Meeting The Light

Chapter 25

~Chap. 25~

Noah's P.O.V

It was a weird feeling, what had taken over me that day. I had the urge to vomit, scream, cry, or punch someone. And I also had the urge to laugh in hysterics. It was a foreign feeling to me, and I was frustrated at how emotional I have become.


What was happening to me?


The question just floated solely in my head as I drove randomly on the highway, looking for any sign of life to ask about Roxy or try and find her. It was almost sun set, and we have already searched the whole town for her but to no avail. Although I knew that she couldn't have made it so far but I had no other choice but to get out of town.


We had decided to divide ourselves into three groups to look for her; Drake went with Samuel, while Cole and I decided to go on our own to cover a wider search zone.


I pursed my lips as I pressed on gas. Guilt was starting to kick in for snapping at my friends earlier. Especially Drake, he said one of those lame jokes of his earlier and I was pretty hard on him. I subconsciously made up my mind to apologize to him later, but the main thought in my head couldn't just stop. And the most horrible scenarios that could have happened to Roxy slowly started crawling their way into my thoughts.


Hours passed, and still there was no sign of her in the town right next to ours. I knew she couldn't have made it that far, but I was starting to lose hope every minute and it was making me scared. I just couldn't let her get hurt or something.


I was driving my way back to town when the sound of my phone ringing snapped me out of my trance. I quickly stopped the car on the side of the road and fiddled a bit with my pockets until I could finally get the phone. I answered quickly without even seeing who's the caller as I hoped out of the car.


"Noah, it's Drake," he said carefully. I could hear a hint of fear in his tone and my chest tightened instantly. He was probably still affected about me snapping at him earlier.


That was something about Drake; he always seemed like the funny guy who spent his life joking. But the truth was that he always hid his feelings. He just held everything in and always acted like he never got mad at anything.


"What's up? Did you find her?" I asked quickly, deciding to apologize to him later.


I could hear him sighing in defeat on the other end. "No, she's nowhere to be found," he said in disappointment.


I pursed my lips to refrain from saying something I would regret later.


"Noah, what if she went to the wood house?" said Drake suddenly.


"She wouldn't know the way alone," I huffed. I was about to tell him to go home when something hit me.


"What if she tried to go and she got lost! Drake, what if she got hurt?" I asked worriedly, suddenly starting to imagine the awful things that could have happened.


"Let's go look for her in the woods, alright!" I said.


"What are you saying, Noah? We would never find her especially now that the day is over. How about we do that tomorrow morning?" he asked.


I run a frustrated hand through my hair. "Just, let's go take a look in the wood house, then. Would we?" I pleaded.


Drake sighed. "Go home, Noah. I don't think-" he started but I cut him off.


"No, Drake. We will find her, okay? She's fine. I know it." I stated confidently. I could feel tears forming in my eyes but I started breathing deeply to make it go away.


"I'll go check the wood house, alright?" I told him.


"Alright," he agreed half heartedly. "Just take care of yourself, Noah." He told me.


I smiled. "I will. By the way, can you call Cole and tell him to call it a day? He called me half an hour ago and said he was going to look in the other towns," I explained.


I never knew why, but Cole was the one who took it the worst way. He freaked out since I told him this morning and he never stopped looking for Roxy. He probably tired by then and I felt bad for him.


"Don't worry, I will," replied Drake.


"Thanks, bye," I said quickly before I hung up and started my car again, this time heading to the woods.


I looked behind me one more time before I took long strides towards the woodhouse. I tried my best to keep my eyes on the light that came out of my torch, and stop imagining clowns coming from behind me to murder me and feed me to a bear. I sighed in content when I finally reached the woodhouse. I walked in and switched on the light immediately.


My heart sank as my eyes scanned the small place over and over again. I knew she wouldn't be there, but facing it for myself felt even harder. I wouldn't deny that there was this little part of me that was hopeful I would find her there.


You're being stupid, Noah.


I sighed in defeat and I was about to turn and leave when I heard someone's footsteps behind me. I turned around immediately with a big smile on my face, but my face fell and slowly turned into a frown when I saw who it was.


"Cole? What are you doing here?" I asked.


"Drake told me you came here to look for her," he stated, not answering my question.


"Still, what brought you here? Go home and get some sleep, you need it!" I told him seriously.


"I'm spending the night here and I'll look for her when the sun rises," he said in a determined tone.


My frown deepened. "This wouldn't help with anything," I smiled weakly. "Go home, Cole," I told him.


"No." he said coldly. "I won't go home till I find her, now go." He told me.


"Alright, I'm staying with you, then." I said.


"Noah, go home." He said through clenched teeth.


"Cole, what's wrong with you?" I asked in confusion. I gave him a once over and noticed how worn out he looked. He had dark bags under his eyes and I could smell his sweat from where I was standing.


"Nothing, Noah. Please if you want to find Roxanne and you want me to feel better go home and let me take care of the woods," he said seriously.


"But we have nowhere else to look in!" I snapped.


Cole was about to say something but then he paused and seemed to be deep in thought.


"Have you searched in her house?" he blurted out.


I shook my head. "Cole, her father kicked her out! No one returns to the hell they ran away from," I told him.


"But she could be hiding there," he told me. What he was trying to tell me was starting to make sense.


I shook my head again, refusing to let the idea take over my mind. "There's no way she could be there, Cole," I said.


"Well, what if her father have found her and trapped her there, huh?"


"Alright, I'll see if she went home. But I assure you, there's no way her father found her, too. I can feel it. I would have known at least," I said.


"Just go, Noah. I need to sleep," he growled as he threw a small plastic bottle at me.


"Fine, dude. Take care," I said before I turned and made my way out of the wood house.


I could feel my chest tightening when I remembered that I would never be able to sleep tonight. I had no idea how I forgot it and why I was acting so weird about it. But admitting it to myself made me feel guilty and worried at the same time. I knew she was probably scared or lying unconscious somewhere.

I couldn't help but hear the annoying echo of that certain sentence as it repeated itself inside my head. As I walked out of the woods, and as I drove my way home. The fact kept replaying like the stupid TV ads.


Roxy is lost.


-


I stopped my car's engine and hoped out of it immediately. I saw my mother sitting on the porch. She smiled sadly when she saw me. I walked towards the house and she stood up when I was near her.


"I'm sorry, Noah. You'll find her, I can feel it," she assured me, giving me a warm smile as she rested her hand on my shoulder.


"I'm not sure anymore, mom. But this feels horrible. I never want to see her getting hurt," I managed to strain out when my eyes finally betrayed me and tears started coming out of them.


I took a deep breath and ran my hand through my hair.


"Come in, you're probably tired," my mom told me. I was about to walk into the house when I suddenly remembered what I intended to do first.


"Mom, I've got to do something. Wait for me inside the house, alright?" I told her with a small smile.


"Alright, just don't take much time; it's getting late," she told me before she walked into the house.


I turned around and my eyes darted towards the house right next to mine. I couldn't help but notice how the flowers and the grass were almost dead, and the old house looked kind of dark and scary with the gloomy winter night sky.


Roxy's house.


My feet started taking hesitant footsteps till I suddenly found myself standing on the porch in front of a grey door. I raised my hand to ring the bell but then I suddenly remembered that Roxy's father was probably in there.


I pursed my lips in frustration and turned away. I only took two steps when suddenly I heard the door opening from behind me and my legs froze.


A mix of shock and fear ran through my veins as I contemplated running away or turning around and facing that horrible man.


"Noah?"


I turned away as quickly as I could when I heard her voice. However, my face fell when I saw it wasn't her.


"Gretchen," I said flatly.


She chuckled. "Yeah, you didn't think I was Roxanne, did you?" she asked. Her eyes suddenly widened in realization when I looked down.


"Oh my God, you actually did!" she said with a laugh.


"Gretchen, do you know where she is?" I asked seriously.


She stopped laughing and gave me a skeptical look. "What do you mean where she is? I haven't seen her since I came home but... Isn't she up in her room?" she asked in confusion.


"When did you come home?" I asked.


"An hour ago, I was sleeping over and Teresa's," she told me.


I realized that she had no idea about what had happened last night or that her father had kicked Roxy out.


"Well, your father kicked your sister out last night after he beat her to a pulp, and this morning she ran away and I cannot find her," I blurted out, keeping a straight face.


Gretchen looked at me in confusion. "When did my father even come home? He's out since five days, and he's not even here now,"


"Gretchen, I'm serious! Your sister could be dead by now; go check for her if you don't believe me, where is she?" I asked, starting to lose my temper.


Gretchen frowned at me before she turned and walked quickly into the house. I just stood there, waiting for her to come back.


Fifteen minutes had passed and she wasn't back yet. I was starting to worry so I walked into the house and the smell of alcohol and air freshener hit my nostrils.


I climbed upstairs then I just stood in the hallway, trying to remember which way was Roxy's room.


"Gretchen?" I called out, but there was no answer.


I was about to go back downstairs when a noise coming from the left wing made me stop. I walked further in the direction of the sound. It kept getting closer till I reached the last door, which was an old matte crimson door that looked a bit old and neglected.


The door was only half closed so I pushed it open and I recognized the familiar place immediately.


Roxy's room.


There, on the bed, Gretchen was sitting with her face buried into her palms. My eyes widened as I realized that the noise that led me there was actually her violent sobs.


I paused for a moment; it felt weird seeing Gretchen Woods cry. She was like, the strongest person in the whole school. She could have even been the most powerful person I've ever come across. Seeing her so vulnerable and crying like this felt so wrong and bizarre.


As much as it felt awkward and unfamiliar to see, it looked so natural. No matter how strong someone can be, they were only human at the end of the day.


"Gretchen, uh," I started, not knowing what to say.


She looked up quickly, seeming to notice I was there. The unfamiliar flush on her face and her teary eyes made something twist inside me. It wasn't something you saw everyday.


Probably embarrassed from the look I gave her, she turned her face and stared at the floor instead.


"She's not here, Noah. She's gone." She stated. The coldness in her tone almost made me flinch.


"I-"

"I knew it would happen one day, it's my entire fucking fault!" she exclaimed angrily, cutting me off.


"I should have... I should have protected her! I should have stood up for her! I shouldn't have let him..." she stopped before she broke into sobs.


"It's okay, Gretchen. We'll find her," I assured her.


Gretchen shook her head. "You've got no idea how strong she was, Noah. You've got no idea how broken she was, too," she told me.


I wanted to tell her that I knew how Roxy's father beat her up and how she faced the hatred and the loneliness. I wanted to tell Gretchen how she was the one who had no idea. But for some reason, I didn't.


I had a feeling that she knew things I didn't, and that maybe she was right. Maybe after all this, I had no idea.


"Roxanne is a beautiful person, Noah. She didn't deserve any of this," she shook her head. "Now she's probably dead because of me,"


I frowned. "Why are you even blaming yourself for something like this! It's all because of your drunkard of a father," I said seriously.


"No, it all started because of me," she said, trying to stop herself from sobbing.


"When mom was alive, we were so close," she started. "We did everything together, we even matched our outfits sometimes. Roxanne always looked up to me and it made me feel wonderful because I always felt responsible for taking care of her," she stared at the wall, a ghost of a smile forming on her face as she said every word.


"Thing is, I always felt inferior to her. Mom adored Roxanne, while I was just another daughter to her. There was this little stupid sibling jealousy towards her, but we were fine. I loved her," she nodded with the same little smile on her face.


"But then everything went down the toilet when our mother died," she flinched.


"It affected all of us. But Roxanne was the one who was affected the most. She was so young and her little mind couldn't just accept it," she took a deep breath as she wiped her tears.


"My father also started drinking and staying out of the house for days. Our family was a wreck. My father started snapping at everything wrong she did. He had this idea that I, being the older girl, was always better than Roxanne. With me being a cheerleader since middle school and always getting straight A's, Father was always beyond proud of me."


"Why would he think that?" I asked in confusion.


Gretchen looked at me briefly, her expression deadpan. "Because of me,"


I was about to say that this wasn't a reason when she started explaining.


"I did horrible things to Roxanne after mom's death," she shook her head as she laughed coldly.


"When mom had died, I always felt scared and insecure. There was also this jealousy I had towards Roxanne. I got over it eventually but I did it the wrong way," she paused for a moment, her frown deepening.


"I always compensated my insecurities by pointing out Roxanne's flaws. I wanted her to be jealous of me instead of looking up to me. I wanted her to feel how bad I felt when mom called her bumblebee and gave her one cookie more than me. I needed confidence and I was so stupid that I built it upon the ashes of my own sister's self-esteem."


"As time passed, father started pointing out her flaws too. He rarely called her by her name. It was always 'shameful loser' or 'dumb bitch'. He started believing she was bad because I made him do it. He even prevented her from going out or getting to know anyone. She was forbidden from making friends or going anywhere but classes. If I weren't always comparing myself to her, he would have left her alone," she croaked out.


"Even me, I always bullied her alongside my friends at school. I made everyone hate her. I started telling myself that I hated her as well, and I always insulted her and did mean things to make sure I did the hating right."


I was pretty much shocked to hear all of this. How could someone be so messed up? Everything made no sense. I had no idea how she was feeling sorry now if she had been capable of doing all that in the past years.


My thoughts were interrupted when she started speaking again, and I listened carefully to every word.


"Day by day, she was getting quieter and more distant. Roxanne barely talked anymore; so much that I almost forgot her voice. She always seemed scared of something, as if she was being chased. She looked lifeless, like a shallow body that was only breathing. Most of the time, she'd be locked alone in her room. I could hear her sobbing sometimes in the middle of the night, and sometimes I saw traces of her blood in the bathroom," Gretchen swallowed thickly before she continued.


"She was always listening to music or absentmindedly humming by herself; ever since she grew up and knew about music through me, she'd been obsessed. She never looked up, I bet she didn't even know what the other kids at school looked like. She was locked up inside her own head. And especially since I didn't have the best relationship with her after mom's death, she was completely alone. We thought she had gone insane with her music and the little voices inside her head."


I scoffed at the last sentence.


"So eventually, we gave up our attempts of talking to her as well. Hell, we didn't even try talking to her in the first place! My father is a horrible man but I am much worse!" she exclaimed in anger.


"Thing is, I always knew she would run away or go insane, or maybe even commit suicide. But she never did, until now." Her voice was shaking at the last word.


"She's not here anymore and I'm feeling horrible. I used to clean her wounds when father hit her but now she's out and if she died or something I would never find a way to make myself feel better,"


I clenched my fists as I spoke up angrily, "Gretchen, don't you think about anyone but yourself? Why is it always about making yourself feel better and making yourself feel less guilty? Wake up! Your sister ran away out of fear! And it's all because of the horrible dysfunctional family she has!" I yelled.


Gretchen seemed taken aback by my sudden outburst. However, I didn't give her the chance to talk anymore. I decided to get out of this horrible place as soon as I could.


The place where an angel was broken. Slowly and painfully.


I quickly got out of the house and I didn't even bother to close the door. My mind was working and things were becoming clearer to me. I took long strides towards my car and then I got in and started it immediately.



I drove as fast as I can. The place wasn't too far and I was lucky that there was only one of those in our town. However, I realized that it was the only place we hadn't looked for her in.


I got out my phone quickly and dialed Cole. He picked up on the second ring so I assumed he hadn't slept yet.


"Noah, did you find her?" he asked quickly.


I sighed hopefully "Yeah, Cole. I think I know where she is,"


_______________________________________________


Heyy guys! :D I MISS THIS OMG! XD


I'm so sorry for not updating earlier, this was the shittiest summer of my whole life ugh glad it ended... x(


Anyway here's an update, I really hope you guys like it.. :D


Also, my school starts tomorrow so the updates will be weekly, it will probably be the weekend, but I'll announce what day on my wall soon. So stay tuned! ^^ <3


Where do you think Noah is heading? Do you think he'll find Roxanne? :D


Um, idk what to say.. xD I love you, thanks for reading! :*


Love & kind Gretchens.. xx. :D <3


x.Tay