Amnesia: Book One of the Amnesia Trilogy

Chapter Seven | An Air of Confusion

photo | Samara

Chapter Seven | An Air of Confusion

Robyn's POV

After he and I kissed, things were different, yet the same. We didn't treat each other any differently, but we looked at each other in a completely different aspect. What confused me the most was our status. What are we? I mean... were we even a we? Or were just Ryder and Robyn?

Every time I looked at him, I saw the smallest hint of confusion and longing flicker in his eyes before it quickly faded away. I wanted so badly to repeat the moment we shared over and over again. Or, maybe even do it again. But I'm not entirely sure he wants what I do, so I keep what we have now and leave it at that. 

I want him. I want him in ways I have never wanted, well, anyone. I remember my first crush, Michael, from the seventh grade. All I ever wanted was to kiss him. But Ryder? Oh lord, I wanted so much more. My bones ached at the thought of having him, all of him, to myself.

I feel awful for craving him the way that I did. He is still getting over the tragic accident that took away his first and only love, while I'm here making it worse rather than better. It's not up to me to heal him. It's up to he himself, so why am I trying to make it all better by being the replacement? Then I think, is that all I am? A replacement? Negative thoughts swirl around in my head, crowding my brain. I won't allow myself to be anything less than a priority. I've felt enough pain to last me a lifetime, I don't need anymore of that.

Maybe I should give up. Maybe I was meant to be with someone else, or even worse, alone. Maybe the timing is all wrong. I came into Ryder's life at the wrong time, and that ruins just about everything. Of course it's destined to fail, just like every almost-good thing that comes to me.

Then again maybe he was meant to be with that girl, but that didn't work out so well...

I force myself to think positively, Anything is possible. I decide that I cannot be confused any longer, it's going to tear me apart. I must know. I get up and head towards his room down the hall.

Ryder's POV

My mind is crowded with an abyss of thoughts about anything and everything. I remember the time when I could not get my mind off Samara---my girlfriend, my baby, my everything. Her tan skin, dark hair, seductive brown eyes, and killer body. She was God's masterpiece. After she died, I still thought about her constantly. Literally. Even when my mind wandered, it went right back to her.

That all changed when Robyn came into my life. The first few days with her, I fought against the desire for her that tore me apart. I should not be feeling this way. Not while my heart still yearned for Samara.

But this could be my chance---my chance to be happy again, my chance to learn to love once more.

I can no longer deny my feelings for Robyn. She is beautiful in every way. Her soft, brown hair that flowed down to the bottom of her chest. Her bright blue eyes that seemingly stared into my soul. Her body. She had the loveliest personality as well, it was just hidden behind shyness and pain. I ached to make her realize how perfect she was, in every aspect. Even with the scars that covered her beautiful skin.

No. I solemnly swore to never love again. Remember that, Ryder? Remember the night you stayed in the hospital for seven hours, only to hear the doctor say, "There was nothing we could do?" That's when you swore to yourself you'd never put yourself through that kind of hurt again.

A knock interrupted my thoughts. "Ryder?" I heard a small voice call.

I grin to myself before straightening my face, "Come in." My voice cracks and I clear my throat. The door opens as Robyn walks in, looking like a goddess in my eyes. She's wearing pajama shorts that show off her flawless legs paired with a long sleeved v-neck that clung to her body like a second skin. "What's up?" I ask coolly.