Hollow Heart
For as long as i can remember, i have an empty space in my heart that i have been trying to fill. I met a lot of people, i gained and lost friends, i fell in love, i fell out of love and fell in love again. Still, that very piece in my heart is still hollow.
Along the way, i have attracted people who seemed to have a missing piece in their puzzle. I thought since we are going through "the same" situation, maybe we could fill each others emptiness. i was wrong. The more i push the thought, the more i try to fit this piece in, i end up hurting not only my self but the other person too. And so i realized, there is no such thing as same or equal pain. Each varies from experience, for each individual. Because like love, pain is not meant to be measured, only felt.
In this journey of completing my heart's puzzle, i fell in love. He was not my ideal man at all. I even consider him a boy. But he loved me dearly. So i thought, maybe, just maybe he can be my missing piece. It worked out fine at the beginning. But he became a bore. I was looking for someone i can talk to about love, human experience and life. He knows a little, almost nothing. I had to end the relationship. We were not going somewhere. We are not growing as a couple, and as individuals.
Then came an unexpected love. This is when i felt tiresome of finding the missing piece to complete my puzzle. It came when i wasn't looking at all. She is (YES, that's a she) my cocoon. She opened up so i could come out and spread my wings, to become my own butterfly. She opened a new world to me. I am in love. For the first time in my life, i am in love. Later i realized she completed me. Yes, i found my missing puzzle piece. She kept me grounded, and blows me away to greater heights. She steadies my wings when rain pours heavily. I turn to be a stronger and braver butterfly, thanks to her.
So this is what love feels like. Love is like sunshine caressing my face. It is like water that envelops its arms around me. Like air gently breezing through me. Love is Lea.
I thought loving should always be two-sided or at least both sides should try for love to blossom. But i was wrong. You love because you want to love. Because it makes you happy. It brings you to a new ebullient world that you have never imagined exists. It is never needy. It knows no limit. It defines who you are and brings the better in you. It leads you to the light. It keeps your spirit free and your heart in joyous abandon.
I love her from afar. I am elated, exultantly proud to be loving such a wondrous woman. She's a gem, a treasure.
Love is Lea. And she will never know it.
