VEINS

F I V E (memories)

F I V E (Memories)

The water slides down my skin, a helpless smile on my lips as I recall last night. His warmth is still radiating through me. As if his arms are still around me, where I feel more at home than any other place.

I slide down to the bottom of the tub and look at the deep scars written into my body, as if I was attempting to reach my bones. Pain hits my heart. Those will never fade, and if it weren't for him, there'd be more.

I've been clean for almost a year. When him and I first met, I was a monster. I was literally walking around school, looking as if I wanted someone to put a bullet through my head right there.

I close my eyes and laugh a little. We were in Art together, the first day of Junior year. Everyone catching up with their friends over the summer, already starting to gossip. I was sitting by myself of course, hating the chatter of the room. Hating life.

Chris was sitting with Shyla, at the time, just two idiots sitting together in my mind. He looked at me with a smirk and I flipped him off. I wasn't very friendly, you could say that. Shyla smiled at me after I did that and stuck her tongue out at him, teasing him. I shot her a glare.

I was mad that she was smiling at me. It made me uncomfortable. I was naturally ready for someone to approach me with ill intentions, ready to fend someone off. What I didn't expect was kindness, and at the moment, it repulsed me.

Chris got up and 'casually' passed me, getting tissue to 'blow' his nose several times throughout the period. I tried to ignore his gorgeous eyes. I tried to forget that he was hotter than any guy in the room. I denied the teasing thoughts as he passed me time and time again. And every time he passed me, the more pissed off I got.

The worst part is Shyla and Chris would look back at me, whisper, and repeat. Finally I was done, there was only five minutes left in class. I dug my nails into the palms of my hand. I remember the skin on my legs burning because of the break down from that night before school.

I got up and walked straight over to their desks. My eyes trained on his, only his. People glanced at me, not sure what was happening. I leaned into his desk, looking down at him, and before I could speak he stood up, towering over me.

His height caught me off guard. He held a stupid grin on his face, my words caught in my throat. I stared up at his eyes, panic was sprinting through my veins. I didn't understand, I was speechless. I couldn't talk.

"Will you excuse me so I can go blow my nose please?" He said calmly, collectively. I was jealous of his composure.

"No." I said flatly. I stood there, not daring to be the first to break eye contact.

His face was unreadable. "You're denying me the right to blow my nose why? Because I'm sick, and unless you want me to breath all over you and get you sick too, I'd move."

It dawned on me that I could have been reading the whole situation wrong. That maybe he wasn't actually even paying attention to me at all. I flushed red, trying to sort it all out in my head.

I didn't move though. And the longer I stood there like a fool staring up at him, the more I watched his face slowly slip into a grin. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?"

That's when I pushed on his chest, catching him off guard. He stumbled a little and I pointed my finger at him accusingly. "You. You don't whisper about me to anyone, not even your girlfriend. Got it?"

All the sudden I heard a burst of laughter and my eyes flashed to Daylas. She was laughing way too hard for my liking. "What's your problem?" I hissed.

"Try best friend. He's not cool enough to even remotely be my boyfriend." I smiled at her. Something about her attitude started to make me like her.

I stood back and looked him over, he was tall, he was perfect, but I wasn't going to admit that. He stared right back at me. "Wanna have lunch with us?" He said casually.

My heart stopped when he said that for a split second, because it was the absolute last thing I thought he was going to say. I remember then glaring at him, yes, yes I'd love to, "No, Not at all."

The bell rang and I quickly walked to my next class before either of them could say anything. I had lunch alone that afternoon of course, and continued to stubbornly for a while. Besides, I didn't like people anyway at the time.

But then, one day, one day I ran out of my house for school, crying. She had found some pills I was using to sleep and accused me of doing hard drugs instead. To punish me, she had slammed me against my bathroom wall, her arm leaning into my neck so I could barely breath as she told me how pathetic I was.

I remember throwing myself down on the ground like the little punk I was, on the side of the street. I had my head buried on the folds of my arms, curled up in a ball. I heard someone walking towards me but I didn't care then.

Their arms wrapped around me. At first I was frightened because no one had really hugged me so tight yet so carefully, ever. And for a while they said nothing, just held me while I slowly stopped crying.

The whole idea of affection was new too me, I wanted to deny that it was so comforting. I wanted it to repulse me so I didn't have to worry when I thought it was never to come again. But God did it feel good.

I remember looking up and seeing who it was. I didn't know what I was thinking. My heart was pounding. My nerves were swimming through my whole body. It was things I hadn't felt before, it was sensational.

I turn the shower off and step out of the shower. My mirror is fogged up completely from all the steam. I get ready for school slowly today. Not caring about rushing.

I climb down the tree and leave my yard, looking back at Shyla and Felix's dad's car. It's weird our parents are seeing each other. I secretly hope it's a one night stand thing, because anyone getting to know the real Chesley, has no idea what their getting into.

I walk down the sidewalk and Chris joins me. Linking hands, he tells me all about this crazy dream he had after he got home. "- it was like a five minute dream in real life but felt like hours! You were so sexy. Damn." He winks at me.

I begin to tease him and we just laugh back and forth. There's a moment that he's laughing, and I just stare at him. I watch how his eyes wrinkle at the sides slightly because he's laughing so hard. I sink in the sound of his laugh. It's his laugh, it's the best laugh.

He stops and smiles at me, as I'm already grinning at him. Griss doesn't come out of her house when we pass and I don't give it much thought. We arrive at school and Dayla meets up with us, and we all begin to talk about this and that.

I take a moment to realize how good this feels right now. How I actually feel... happy. I actually want to be here. And I'm actually enjoying it. Chris sees it in me too. I know he does. He keeps looking at me, smiling.

This is going to be a good day. I can feel it.

...

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Tell me, should I keep going?