September 11th, 2015
Dear Homie Dawg (Dad),
You have been in prison for a month now, and seeing you after I burned down my apartment really reminded me how much I miss you. I have never been in prison before, but I'll get there one day so I can be just like you. I bet it's rough, but everyone probably loves you there because you're so thuggish. They all probably just want you to join their gangs.
I just wanted to write to you so I could be some sort of moral support. Make sure you grab a Bible because you probably need it after everything you've been through. Don't cry because thugs don't cry-- they sweat out of their eyes. Only sweat is acceptable, dad, that is what you taught me when I was younger.
If you couldn't already tell, my speech has improved. Not really though, I am having a friend write this for me. It is basically a process of dictation. Ever since I dropped out of high school my speech just becomes more and more thuggish each day. I love it. I sound just like you, dad.
Anyway, I have a girlfriend now. Her name is Patricia, and her hair smells like mint. I could smell it for hours. We went on a date a couple of days ago, and I think it went really well. I mugged our taxi driver, and I taught her how to bolt like a purebred thug. We saw a movie once we got away from the driver, and that is when I discovered that her hair smells like mint. Maybe you will get to smell her hair one day too. I hope to see her again soon so we can have another date. I like her very much.
You get out of prison in two weeks, and I can't wait to hear all about your experience. I want to hear about all of the gangs you've been invited to join and how many friends you made. I bet prison is so cool. You get to hang around thugs all day, however no one is more of a thug than we Dawgs. That is highly impossible.
Love,
Jimmy
