Limerence

Chapter 4 Decisions

Chapter 4
~
Decisions
~

"He used to talk about you a lot," Josh said as he skipped a rock into the river.
"I knew I knew that name from somewhere when we met."
"He never talked abut you."
"Why would he? I'm dead to him."
"Even when y'all were friends. I talked to him every night on the phone. He never mentioned you."
"We're not little pre-teen girls, Carley. We don't brag about our best friends on a daily basis." he laughed, releasing his last rock as I watched.
"Still. It would be nice to know what happened between the both of you so I could understand why he never talked about you."
"You said so yourself. You're gonna talk to him as soon as he gets home tomorrow."
"But we can avoid all of that if you would just tell me now."
"I would if I could. But his fiancée was right. It's not our story to tell. It's Chris's."

Molly also told me not to trust Joshs words. Only Chris can tell me the truth. Yet for some reason..I don't believe her. Chris will tell me anything to protect me. Josh will tell me everything he knows. And so far..he's being the tough cookie.

Everything fell silent after that. This day together could possibly be our last. Might as well take the chance to get to know him now than never.

"How do you do that?" I asked as I watched him grab another handful of rocks.
He skipped one and then looked back at me, sitting behind him in the grass.
"What? This?"
"Yea. I never understood how people could do that."
"You just.."
He flicked his wrist and let go of the rock that hopped on top of the water.
"Skip it."
"But how?" I asked with slight laughter.
"Come here," he ordered.
I stood close beside him, but watched his hands closely.
Avoided eye contact.
Even though they looked more brighter in the sun.
The rocks did too.
And that's what I focused on.
The rocks.
He handed me a miniature gray, dirty brown one and showed me the wrist position.
"Skipping rocks requires skill. Good aim. Good angling."
"It can't be that serious." I say jokingly.
He ignored my lack of knowledge.
"Place this finger," He picked up my index finger which made my chest slightly jump.
"right here," He placed it on the back edge of the rock.
"And make sure your shoulders are straightened up."
Like my fingers, he used his strength to shift my shoulders in the right position off my back.
His left hand still remained on top of my left shoulder however his right hand pressed against my right wrist. His gentle yet stern touch ran chills up my spine. Not in excitement but in protectment.
My heart was racing at the bit but his safety wrapped around my body created a hidden smile across my face.
Our bodies were matter of inches away from each other's. That thought almost made me want to break out of his arms. Another objection made me stay.
I was warm.
I felt free.
"And then you just.."
My hand swung backwards, following his lead.
"Flick it."
And I did.
As my wrist broke forward and my index finger and thumb snapped off the rock, I watched the rock skip two, only two, hops and watched it sink into nothing.
I turned my head to finally look into his eyes.
"Sorry."
"No,that was good. For a beginner." he smirked.
"What? You're some kind of professional rock skipper now?"
"If that's what they call it, then maybe."
"Yea, call me when you win a million dollars."
"Will do,"
He eventually rested his arms down, leaving me untouched and abandoned.
"So,what now? It's only three o'clock." He uttered, checking his phone.
"Heck if I know. I still get lost trying to find my apartment."
"That says that then. Want to head back to my place?"
"What?"
"What?"
"Your..place?"
"It's not like it's far away from yours." he laughed.
"Alright," I say in uncertainty.
"Sure."
~
After the short cab ride, Josh lead me over to the elevator and went up two extra floors. The hallway looked different. On the fifth floor, the walls were a plain, greenish brown color. On the seventh, they were an army green with brown and golden circle, twisted designs. Instead of taking a right, Josh took a left and unlocked the door to the room 711. The draft felt different, too. Instead of walking into a chilly air conditioner, I stepped inside a cozy 70 or so degree living room. The floors weren't as sturdy. There was no upstairs. The kitchen counter was stocked with ramen noodles and cereal boxes. No coffee machine though there was a McDonalds plastic McCafe cup sitting on a table in front of his black leather couch, along with a few soda cans.
The room wasn't dirty. But it wasn't clean either.
Come to think about it, this is how I used to imagine Chris living. In a small military home with a couch and tv and microwave only to keep him company. If it weren't for Molly, neither of us would be here. And I wouldn't be stuck in a friend/stranger'a apartment.
~
"Can I get you anything?" Josh asked while kicking off his Vans and nudged them out of the way, too lazy to take ten extra steps to his bedroom.
"No,I'm good--"
"Dr. Pepper? Beer?" He opened the fridge and pulled out two beer cans. I gave him a unsympathetic gesture.
He continued to pop open his can, still staring at me.
His grin made me uncomfortable.
This whole situation made me uncomfortable.
"You don't drink?"
"I'm eighteen."
"I know."
"There's your answer."
His grin never left.
"You're nothing like your brother."
Hint number 1.
"Why do you say that? People say we look just alike."
"Not talking about looks."
"Then..."
"He was an extrovert, I'll tell you that." He took a swallow and invited me over to the couch.
"You act like I don't already know that. I did live with him for eighteen years, you know?"
That made him laugh.
"Yea I know."
"He always got all of the attention. Sports. Grades. Basketball games. Science fairs. ROTC competitions. He was so busy that my family couldn't have the time to be around me."
"So it sounds like you two aren't that much alike.."
"He was popular. I was..low key." I snarled.
"I wouldn't let that get to you."
"Why would you think that's getting to me?"
"The way you talk about it. You can always tell by someone's voice when they don't like talking about something."

Just like how he talks about my brother.

"But I do like talking about him. That's my problem. He's my big brother. He means the world to me, but I don't think he knows it."
"Oh,he knows it," he grinned, hiding the fact that deep down inside he hates him.
"if anything, it's the other way around. He's the one that loved you and he thought that you didn't know it."
"How much did he talk about me?" I wondered.
"Not a bunch, but enough to know who you were."
~
Only if Chris knew how much I do love him. He's been my inspiration ever since I was old enough to walk and talk.
If Josh is right and Chris really does love me as much, he should accept the fact that Josh is slowly but surely coming into my life.
We live in the same building.
It's not like he can hide me away forever.
Whatever happened between them needs to be long gone forgotten before I get involved in any of the drama.
I hate drama.
And considering this rivalry is between two guys, it's a 50-50 chance they're arguing about
1. A girl
or
2. Money
or
3. They were just plain drunk.

Yet, Josh did say it was a mistake.

A mistake.

That Josh made, supposedly.

I just can't risk Chris getting hurt or reminded of a bad memory.

I may regret finding out what this whole conflict is really about, though, it needs to be solved.
I could've possibly found my first friend here in New York and I can't drive him away because of one little fight.

Or I can keep my mouth shut and pretend I knew nothing all along and let Chris find out on his own.

I have a decision to make.

A decision that shouldn't have to be thought about.
Chris and Josh should've worked out their problems a long time ago. Now it's up to me to fix it, only to keep a friend.

A friend.

Is he my friend?

I've never really had one before.

Who knows?
Maybe the two of us will hit the wrong direction and this past week will be a waist. A coincidence that will soon be a memory.

My life is too disappointing for friends.