Growing, living, thriving, accepting

I've learned

I hate myself.
I hate that I can't do anything right.
I hate that I'm not good at anything.
I hate myself for not being able to help. I can't feel anything else, only bitterness and anger, because I hate myself.
I hate myself because everyone else seems to, too.
I hate trying everyday, acting like everything is okay. Nothing is okay.
I don't want this anymore, I don't want anything anymore.
I just want it to be over, I want to stop thinking everything is alright, when it isn't. I want people to stop telling me it's alright, when it isn't. I want to be happy, like everyone else.
I want to be not confused.
I appear calm and collected on the outside but on the inside I'm a grenade about to explode. I don't want people to see me explode.
But then again I do, for them to know, that I wasn't happy. I was never happy. I'll never be happy.
For them to know that I'm a mess inside, and I don't have everything okay in my life.
How can anything be okay?
They're blinded by the fake me they see everyday.
They think everything in the world is okay, but I'm rotting away.
I'm slowly fading away. I don't feel myself anymore. I can't feel anything, and I don't have control.
The anger in me stops, because I realize I can only be mad at myself. This is my fault. I'm the reason I'm like this. I'm the reason why I'm so stupid and can't get anything right. It's my fault, not anyone else's. I can only blame myself. I hate myself.
I hate myself for being confused.
I hate myself for wanting to explode.
I hate myself for not being normal.
I hate myself for being me.
I hate myself because I feel empty.

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