Growing, living, thriving, accepting

Breaking down breakdowns.

Sometimes people act out because they want others to care. They care too much about everything and need to be assured others care too.
They want to know that they're needed or wanted. They want help but they don't know how to ask. They even plan out a whole conversation with someone, confiding them- thinking this time, they'll finally ask for some reassurance. They truly want help because no one chooses to suffer this way. They're always there to help others in time a need, but feel as if no one is ever there to help them. They have breakdowns and hit the lowest of the lows and have to be there for themselves to get back up. It doesn't always make them stronger. Sometimes it's okay to ask for help. Sometimes it's okay to open up. What's not okay is bottling up all your feelings. Breakdowns are rough. You have all this anger and emotion you don't know where to place and then it just explodes and you have to clean up the mess. You have to apologize to friends and family for what you said during those times. You have to tape back the papers you tore and wipe up the tears you shed.
Some days are so good. You feel on top of the world. Other days you hit rock bottom and you just have to stay there for a while. You wait for the storm to pass and even though you know it'll happen again, you say you're fine. And maybe you are fine for a little bit until that feeling of loosing control returns. It gets worse at times. You think of the worst things and can't escape those thoughts. Those thoughts always stay with you every time something bad happens. Those thoughts will provoke you, and sometimes even get to you. They're uncontrollable. You need help, but you never know how to ask.