Jian one shots

You don't understand

Kian pov

I was laying in bed crying my eyes out.

Most of the time I loved being a YouTuber. I got paid to act silly, hang out with my friends and had millions of people who supported me... but sometimes I hated it. I needed to watch what I said because people would use it against me, people would make hate accounts about me and there were days I just got spammed by negative tweets, posts and comments.

I had been through depression but I had gotten over it... I could normally take it. I could normally walk around with a smile on my face like everything was okay. But today was different....

Jc wasn't home so I had been having a lazy day... (Which basically meant I was watching Netflix, going online and eating random junk food)... I went on twitter and did a follow spree, I knew those always made my fans happy. When I finished I just scrolled threw my feed and I came across an account called 'kian critics' . (a/n I have no idea if that's real)

My curiosity had gotten the best of me and I looked at the account. I don't know what I had expected but I wasn't prepared for what I saw...

It was the worst hate account I had ever seen. People were commenting on my hair, clothes, videos, everything.... there wasn't a single positive comment...I couldn't help it, I read threw them and now the words were just floating in my head.

He's a self centered ass who doesn't care about anyone but himself.... people find this guy attractive? God my standards were just lowered significantly.... he's so freaking annoying! Why is he even popular?.... he's a gay asshole and deserves to die....

that last one stuck with me... because I was gay.

Only my close friends knew, they excepted me for who I was and I was grateful for it... my parents hadn't been okay with it and basically disowned me. But I was to scared to tell the fans.... and it was because of comments like this. What if everyone hated me? Would I loose all my subscribers? Would I be fired from YouTube? If I did get fired what would I do?

I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and threw it against the wall, breaking the screen. I picked it up to throw it again but the glass tore my hand.

"damn it!" I screamed. There was a sharp pain from the cut and it only caused me to cry even more. I gripped my hand to my chest and sank to the floor with my back against the wall.

What's the matter with me? Why can't people except me for who I am?.... why can't I except me for who I am?

I just sat there hugging my hand to my chest, letting the blood and tears mix as they stained my shirt.

I don't know how long it was until Jc came home but it was dark. I just kind of lost track of time, letting my thoughts consume me. I only came out of the haze when I heard laughing and the door open then slam shut.

"kian I'm home!" Jc yelled from somewhere in the house.

I didn't answer. Why should I? nobody cares about me.

I heard shuffling and footsteps for a while. He was probably getting changed and making ice cream or something... the thought brought a small smile to my face.... he could always make me smile.

"kian?" my smile faded fast.

"kian are you home?" I heard footsteps coming over to my door but I ignored them... it pained me but I wanted to be alone. He tried to open the door but it was locked.

"if your there let me in" he said.... I didn't move.

"kian I'm serious!" he actually sounded concerned and he started to knock on the door a bit. I wanted to go to him... but I was to numb to move.