Afraid to be too happy.

I have to stop overthinking.

All of the students in the class was staring at all of our actions mouth wide open. I could see from every girls eyes that they thought me as a competition to get victor(the hot boy in school). It's okay I don't need any other friends Victor is enough for me. Victor changed his seat near to me, so we both was at the back of the class chitchatting all the time. All of them was turning to the back to see us what we were up to. Victor was talking about all those funny things we did together when we were young.

We would both cook together and burn the food till black and run away, and our mothers would come chasing us. Make our own tree house and gather all out toys there and play. Make beautiful cards for mothers and Father's Day together. Especially shared joy and happiness together.

Suddenly a bang on the teacher's table. It's a teacher wearing a full sleeve shirt with an straight and crisply ironed black pants. Holding on to a 15 cm thick book. He looked very grumpy, like a typical strict teacher. And he introduced himself to the class as he was our biomedical teacher. He seemed very old and naggy. The most boring lesson finished, school ended early today as it was first day and so that students could explore the school. But Victor and I took the chance to grab some drink and catchuo with our chitchat session. We went to the nearest macdonalds. We were just talking so much, sharing things that happened all these years giggling and laughing. As I opened the door, I saw John sitting alone on a table sipping on a coke and staring into my eyes shocked. I was not shocked but I got terrified looking at him.

As if he was a ghost. But yes he is the ghost who didn't return my heart back to me whom also im afraid of. He is my phobia. Mr painphobia.

And now he has seen me with Victor he is now going to stalk me everywhere, separate me and victor. I know he is capable of doing that.

Victor who was behind me walking slowly suddenly walked briskly leaving me behind him he started walking straight to Victor and he hugged him. Victor with excitement " BRUH how are you??, it has been 2 years since we met". John looked into victor's eyes "I'm fine Bruh...how's your college? How's mom at home?"

{Ana's pov}
Listening and seeing to whatever was going on in front of me, my head was about to burst. A cold sweat following down my spine made me more nervous. I could only see their both mouth moving as they talk but my mind was just full of questions.

Suddenly Victor pulls me towards John, to introduce me. I tried myself not be too shocked or awkward. "Hi I'm John", his voice was ringing into my ears like repeatedly 5 times. The name that I never want to hear, the voice that I never want to hear, the eyes that I never want to meet, the person that I never want to meet is standing Infront of me standing and putting his hands out to shake mine. I felt like I was standing on a hot soup.
"Hi....I uhm am Ana Anastasia..." I said with unclear throat. And reached out my hand to meet his...the same feeling I had at the Starbucks shop when had to shake hands Infront of boss. He quickly grabbed my hand looking into my eyes, into my soul. And the handshake was over. It was like as though I just had a fast forward flashback right Infront of my eyes. Victor than found an empty two sitter table almost behind john's table. I was really shattered. Loss of words. They both know each other, very well. Wow!!

The whole entire day I was just listening to Victor speak and I was just stirring my coffee and full of thoughts while I fake a smile outside. Suddenly he interrupts us and asked for victor's new number and gave me an evil smirk and went off in a jiffy.

And here I am sitting in my lonely full dark room with some light from the gap of my room door which is 24hrs shut all the time. Cuddling with a cotton-made tee-shirt which has an superman logo on it. Its my dad's tee-shirt, who has left me and my mom all alone in this big house. He was my guide, as now he is gone, I feel that my life has been wasted. My mom is the only one who is working. And I keep all this pain to myself. If I ever brought up all this issue to her she would be upset over herself about the way she brought me up as a single parent. I know that she misses my dad a lot, so I don't like disturbing her I only want to make her proud to be a mother of a daughter like me that's my only goal. One side I miss my father, other side the problem of John and Victor knowing each other, the other side my mom who is working hard to be a best mom that a child could ever have. And here I am drenched in blood. Cutting myself again, but it isn't as painful as all these problem. It's a kind of drug that you cut yourself to see the blood oozing out from your body to release the pain you have in your mind. Drowning myself full of thought. 'I have to stop overthinking' If not my days to my grave would be countable.