Afraid to be too happy.

"I'm dying slowly"

  Boss is here, taking over the night shift. I packed my bags and removed the apron on me. Boss asked me how was the work, and I said it was fine with an uncleared throat. He smiled and gave me $30 daily wage. I started walking away. I could hear boss talking to John in a very friendly tone as though they were best buddies.

  And I'm out from the mall walking on a dark street with street lamps further away from each other. Suddenly a loud call " Ana, wait up ". I turned to see who it was. And It was John trying to catch up with my speed. I started walking very quickly after seeing him. I was scared, afraid to fall in the trap again. Afraid to talk to Mr pain. Tears just rolling down my cheek without my acknowledgement. My heart hurts so much. Walking briskly while crying is the worst thing. He came running and stopping me..."Why are you running away from me Ana? What did I do? I miss you." Wow! He don't know what he did to me seriously? Wait up he miss me? So many questions running in my mind.

  He then came closer to me, put his hands around my waist pulled me closer making body contact. He slowly moved forward his head to kiss me. Putting my hands on his chest and pushing him. "I don't want you! Who are you?". I saw his eyes tearing, "don't put up a show! You are just so fake." Leaving him at where he was I walked briskly home. Went into my house closing the door. Placing my head against the door I cried. Why must I meet him? Why is my life like this? Why is he all over my thoughts. I couldn't take it anymore I felt like dying but trust me I got no strength to kill myself. I was getting sick of crying everyday. How I wish i had someone to hug and cry to.
I wish.

  Woke up with an migraine. Thinking of to go to work or not. The main reason is I didn't wanted to see him. Trust me whenever I see him I felt like running to him and hug him tightly so that he can't go anywhere away from me. So many promises he made. He broke everything and went to another girl. I'm just so stupid, so many people told me he is a bad guy I didn't believe them now I pay the price.

  It's just my second day of work, how could I not go to work. I quickly took my uniform from the laundry which is already dried by my maid. And took my bath and applied some powder, eyeliner and lip balm on my face. Trust me i nowadays don't care of how I look. Grabbed my watch and slide it cross my hand to buckle it and "ouch" a pierce pain. It was all the cutting in my hand with a knife yesterday night. "I h8 U" I couldn't even touch it,  it was so painful.he must be having great times with other girl and here I am crying and hurting myself, leaving out a big sigh. When is my life gonna get better? stepping out of my house rushing to reach workplace quickly, opened the door and john was standing opposite ready to talk to me.

  I started to walk briskly to my work as fast as i could. I can feel that he was following me i could feel him getting closer. I can see the shadow of his getting bigger and bigger. Luckily the work place has reached another 5 mins of walking and I'm done.

"Please wait, please I need talk to you" he shouted loudly. I stood there and never turn behind but he came Infront of me to talk to me. "Why are you avoiding me? Don't say I'm a stranger, it hurts a lot. Please talk to me?i miss you! And I'm sorry baby."
I was very angry my mind was going to explode with all the angry thoughts. I clenched my teeths. I looked straight up to his eyes, "Who do you think you are? Yes you are a stranger a bloody passer by who is harassing me. Oh wait a minute you miss me seriously?you left me! I was dying everyday! For 6 months you didn't even try to text or call me! Your face miss me? DID YOU FUCKING CALLED ME BABY?? I ain't your baby alrights?! And just fuck off from my life as U did 6 months ago! Thank you John" sternly I said and walked briskly to work. Getting $30 for a simple work is a great thing for me. I could earn a lot of money by that but, is it worth it? Compared to seeing John everyday at work and faking a smile at work? I just don't know.