Notice Me, Kouhai (Kuroko no Basuke Fanfiction)

Chapter 06: As Many Times As Needed

"Sorry. It's messy."

I hurriedly strode towards the window and opened the curtains, allowing the light to spill across the room.

For a second, Imayoshi-senpai didn't make a move and only remained staring at me with a deep frown. While I just stood there awkwardly, not quite sure what to do next. So I took it as an opportunity to look around in hopes that maybe something would distract me from the nervousness settling in my gut.

"Aya--"

I cut him off by loudly clearing my throat. "Wait here. I'll go see if Mom is done with the snacks." But before I could take a step, he was quick to block my way. I gulped. "W-What are you doing?"

"Do you hate me, Aya?"

The sudden question surprised me, it wasn't exactly what I had in mind. I looked up to study his face, and I froze when I saw that he was serious. His jaw was taut and his eyes were focused on me.

"N-No," I replied in a voice that was nearly inaudible.

"Then why are you avoiding me?"

I bit the inside of my cheeks, wondering how I should answer that before deciding not to answer at all. I couldn't come up with an easier way on how to make him understand what I wanted to happen.

That I wanted to be someone who wouldn't need him anymore.

"I may be selfish, but..." he added but trailed off, as though struggling to find the right words to say. He sat exhaustedly on my bed with his right hand cupping his forehead. "I just don't know how to let you go.. What should I do, Aya? I feel so pathetic."

The vulnerability in his voice made my stomach clench. He seemed to be in pain---no, he was in pain. I reluctantly inched closer, carefully sliding down to the space next to him. Ignoring the ecstatic pounding of my chest, I gathered my thoughts then finally said, "You know, I was also asking myself the same thing. How do I let you go, Senpai?"

He rolled his head to meet my gaze, a surprised expression plastered on his face. He didn't say anything. He just stared at me, waiting for me to say more with that earnest look in his eyes.

"How do I let you go when you're always that one person who never left my side?" After hearing that, his eyes widened. However, it didn't stop me from telling him everything that had been running inside my mind as of late. I didn't care if I sounded like a child, I just wanted to let it all out. "I've been too dependent on you all my life that now I find it hard to face the day without you. Whenever I think about what we've been through together, I feel like crying and slapping you a thousand times for ruining everything. It would've been better if nothing has changed. It would've been a lot better if you remained as my precious brother 'til the end. Why did you have to say that you love me? Why did you have to ruin everything? You're such a big idiot, Imayoshi Shouichi!"

"Then do it. Slap me," he growled, grabbing my hand and pressing it against his cheek, "That's a thousands times better than having you treat me like a brother forever! That's a million times better than seeing you in the arms of another guy!"

"You never really thought of me as a sister, did you? Our years of friendship really mean nothing to you?"

He simply shook his head. "No."

The wave of betrayal that washed over me had me at a loss for words. I yanked my hand out of his grasp then covered my face, crying like a little child. Everything that we'd been through didn't mean anything to him. He was never really my brother and I was just too stupid to think that he wanted that role. Our friendship meant nothing to him, yet it was the very one thing I couldn't let go even after what happened.

Stupid. I was so stupid...

I should just stop caring, right? Like what he was doing. But I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop my tears from falling. Because even if it was to protect Ryo and our relationship, throwing away everything that Imayoshi-senpai and I had was easier said than done.

At the moment, it seemed to be the best idea. I had to disregard our friendship for Ryo, and that includes forgetting every memory of the happy times we'd gone through together. That was the right thing to do. But would it really make me happy? If it was the right choice, then why did it feel so wrong?

"I can't lie and tell you that I was trying to be your brother all those times because I wasn't. That sounds completely wrong... What kind of brother am I if whenever we're together all I want to do is hold and kiss you every second of the day?" He pulled me to his chest, wrapping his strong arms around my body. "Aya, what kind of brother am I if I could only picture a future with you as my wife?"

All too suddenly, my tears ceased to fall as I struggled to breathe against his familiar scent. I tried to comprehend every word that he said, but I was too stunned to even utter a word.

Did he just say it? He actually pictured me as his wife?

Because I was completely speechless, he continued, "If our friendship really mean nothing to me, then why do you think I'm doing this only now? I could've told you ages ago. I could've told you how much you mean to me!" He tightened his grip, burying his face against my straight locks. "But I was so scared. I couldn't risk it---you and our friendship. You were too young to understand everything so I've waited and waited for the right time. And then when it finally came, I was at a loss... Because you've already met Sakurai."

My eyes widened as I finally came to realize something. What did he feel when I first told him that I like Ryo and that he was the one for me?

It must've been too painful...

"I can't lose you, Aya. So I'm going to fight for you," he added as his embrace tightened even more, making it a little harder for me to breathe. "I'll make you fall for me as many times as needed."

I gasped, but didn't say anything in return once again.

After some time, he unwrapped his arms then pushed me a little farther. He dragged his long fingers up to my chin, tilting it up, making our faces inches apart. "Ne, is it really impossible, Aya?"

My blood rose up to my cheeks, ringing on my ears. It was hot. Being this close to him was so awkward that I just wanted to evaporate into thin air. His intense gaze held mine. And for some reason, I couldn't look away.

However, all of a sudden, a pleased smile curled up his lips as he studied my burning face. "That's good."

"W-What?" I managed to ask, still flustered.

Imayoshi Shouichi motioned his head forwards, pressing his mouth on my ear, then whispered in a sultry voice, "You're already falling for me."

To say that I merely froze up because of what he said would have been an understatement. I fossilized in front of him, unable to say or do anything. I couldn't even retrieve my fallen jaw due to utter shock.

What did he just say?

"I'm glad we had this talk," was what he said before he finally let me go then stood up, walking towards the door. He had already opened it when he glanced at me through his shoulder with that smirk on his face. Obviously, his mischievous aura now was totally different from his distressed state just a little while ago. "Don't think so much about me, okay? I might not get any sleep tonight."

My mouth opened and closed for a few times, completely dumbstruck. But I forced myself to snap out of my dazed state and grabbed a pillow, throwing it to his head. "Like I'll do that! We're not friends anymore so stop coming here, you understand?"

"Oh, before I forget... Your Mom invited me to dinner."

Losing my patience and the ability to dwell on his jokes any longer, I ran towards him then promptly pushed him out of my room, slamming the door close after. "Don't come! Don't ever come!"

"See you later, Aya-chan."

I leaned my back against the door and groaned miserably, running my fingers through my hair, pulling at the roots. If I couldn't calm my racing heart, I'd probably lose my mind any minute now.

Impossible...

It couldn't possibly be true. It couldn't be.

"I'm not falling for him... I just can't."