Brannock stared, his mouth open, unable to speak. It wasn't a physical thing, it was just that he could not think of the right words. But, he tried anyway.
"Thistle. . .you're. . .I mean, you're here, you're back. But. . .how are you? I missed you so much, you have no idea. I don't ever. . .", he managed, before she crossed the distance between the door and the bed. She reached down, grasped both sides of his head, and kissed him with a passion, a longing, that he had not felt before. Or frankly had never imagined before.
"Yes, Danny, I am back. But, you need to listen, and understand." He nodded, and she sat down in the chair next to his bed. Gathering her thoughts, she first looked around the room, then down at her small hands.
"Danny, I have not told you everything about my life, and now is not the time to either. But, things have not always been easy for me. Not too long before we met, I was in a bad relationship. I mean, the guy was not physically abusive, but he was often cruel and said terrible things to me, like I wasn't worth anything. It took me a long time to leave that. I had no place to go, no job, no nothing. But I knew that was not what I wanted out of life." Thistle paused, and Brannock reached out to take her hand; luckily she was seated on the side of his good arm. He started to speak, but she quickly put her hand gently over his lips.
"Shhhh. Just let me speak, and let me finish." He nodded slowly, and she continued her story. "The thing is, as distant and tough as I seem sometimes, believe it or not, I am a bit of a romantic. White picket fence, 3 kids, all of that. But I know things don't always work out like that, you know? I do know that I want to have a place to really call home, not just a place to 'stay'. I want to go back to school. I know that I want to have some sort of job that I enjoy, not just the sporting goods store or the supermarket. And I want someone who thinks the world of me, who accepts me for who I am, better or worse, and someone who makes ME"-she pointed to herself in the chest, to accentuate the word-"want to be a better person. Someone who I would feel I would be letting down if I didn't do my best, you know?" Brannock could do nothing but nod as he followed her conversation.
"What I have been trying to figure out," she continued, "is, can I have any of that with you?"
This of course was the conversation that all of the guys had with their significant others at some point. He had just believed that this time would be different, that Thistle would be different, that their relationship would defy the odds. He thought that someday they would look back and laugh at the thought that it might NOT have worked. But what now? He didn't even know what to say, and he said as much.
"I know, Danny. I have gone around and around it, over and over again in my head. I made a list, well, several lists, actually, trying to figure out the good and bad. None of them helped; each one was different. So I would spend a day thinking about nothing but the negatives, and then I took another day to think about only the positives. But I figure that I shouldn't focus on what COULD go wrong, because that won't allow what could go RIGHT. And that takes me back to square one." Again Brannock tried to speak, and this time, she playfully smacked his lips, grinning. But she returned to seriousness right away.
Thistle shifted a bit in her chair, kissed his hand, and set it back down on the bed. "Times we've talked before, I remember saying something like, we don't know what the future holds, we could be gone tomorrow. I think that, with some work, we can have a lot of what I want. I do know, and I want you to know, Danny, that I want it to be with you. I don't want to look back someday and say 'Fuck, we didn't even give it a try'. That would suck."
She leaned over and ran her fingers through his hair, unkempt as it was against his forehead. He savored the touch of her fngers, inhaled the scent of her as she leaned over to kiss him again. The roller coaster of emotions was starting to get to him, and he struggled to stay cool. It worked, mostly, But his voice cracked and caught in his throat as he tried to speak. This time, she did not stop him.
