I Need The Gap

Weight Journal

It's been two weeks since I started that thigh gap plan, and so far I've only lost 1.5 pounds. My thighs are constantly burning from the exercise and my hunger is all over the place. Every day I've looked in the mirror to see a change. Nothing. Just the same thighs. The same fat, jiggly, cellulite ridden thighs. Every night I prayed that it would magically go away, but I knew that it wouldn't go away that easily.

The next day I woke up to the sound of my sister pounding on my door. " Wake up sleeping beauty! " Vanessa screamed. I groaned in annoyance and put my pillow over my head. " I'm telling dad! " she yelled through my door. I didn't budge. Usually that threat would have scared me because of the fact that my dad would beat my siblings when they wouldn't listen which scared me, but stubbornly I stayed in my bed.

Then my alarm went off. ... " I DIDN'T GET SLEEP CUZ OF YALL ,YALL NOT GONNA GET SLEEP CUZ OF ME " over and over again. So that woke me up. I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom.

I quickly stripped off my clothes and took a shower. Once I finished I quickly scurried to get my clothes on but I suddenly stopped. Lately I've been trying to avoid looking at myself in the mirror since it wouldn't help with my plan and distract me from my main goal. But I went and looked anyways. I stood in front of the mirror, naked with my feet together.

They touched. My thighs touched. I stared at them in disgust. Just wanting to snip it all off. And honestly I really wish I could. My inner thighs were sore, burning, and constantly painful but physically they weren't changing as if any progress wasn't even happening.

At this point I expected to see a little hole forming near my crotch. At least big enough to fit a chopstick through. But it wasn't there. I felt hopeless and defeated. As if I wasn't trying hard enough. My thoughts were interrupted when my mom called me from down stairs. I looked at my clock, it read " 7 :53 " .

I had been standing at the mirror for twenty minutes staring at my unwanted body, critiquing it, and visualizing my dream one. My mom called me again. " Megan Stephanie your going to be late! " at this point I heard her but my mind blocked her out I was too focused on my perfect image. I started into the mirror even longer , imagining, as if I were in a trance. Then multiple images flew through my mind. Me having the perfect thigh gap, everyone adoring me, me actually being noticed and popular. The image I've always wanted.

I was woken out of my trance when my window blew open. I shivered from the gust of cold air. I quickly closed my window and I realized that I was still naked. I quickly threw on my Old Navy super skinny jeans and a Fall Out Boy tank top with a sweater and beanie. And of course I put on my undergarments.

I slung my book bag over my shoulder and rushed down stairs to put on my shoes. I look around to see the hallway completely empty, which is usually full of my family. I then looked at the clock that hung in the kitchen 8:15. They left me , again. They said that if I took to long they'd leave me. I hurried to tie my shoe lace as I grabbed my keys and walked out the door. I sighed in annoyance. Not only was it colder than I thought, but I was left alone to walk 15 blocks to school. 15 long blocks. How fun.

~***~

I shoved my hands in my sweater pockets I began to walk the long 15 mile trek to school. The wind blew like a lion's roar, because of it, I had to hold my hoody over my head making my hands cold. Then it starts pouring. The cold pouring rain soaks my sweater as I continue onwards. I shake, shiver and sneeze as I trudge my way forward knowing at this rate I won't probably get to school until around the beginning of 3rd period. I then hear a car horn honking and someone shouting me name. It was my friend Ethan and his big brother Chase. I stopped in my tracks as they drove up to me.Ethan rolled down the car window and gave me that crazy grin. " Want a ride?" He asked. I rolled my eyes and chuckled as I got into the car.

I took a hot shower when I got to school. To wash off the cold rain and to make sure I didn't watch a fever. But I already had a cold. Gym was already over so everyone was in the shower rooms. Once I got out I blew my nose and rapped my towel around my body. I looked in the mirror in the bathroom. I guess the hot steam helped. Before when I had just came in from the rain I was sneezing and shivering cold, my nose was red as Rudolph's and running and there were bags under my eyes. Now I had a slight runny nose. As I walked in to the girls locker room. I stripped of my towel and began to dress. I noticed the sound of perky laughter. It was Sasha and her posey. It was Melanie, Amber, Stephanie, and Sasha. I quickly tried to get dressed but tripped as I was putting on my jeans. " Did you see her thighs jiggle?" Amber laughed. The rest followed. I felt humiliated. " What's wrong fat ass, didn't eat your McDonald's this morning? " they laughed even louder and sashayed away. Tears came pouring out of my eyes as I hugged my knees to my chest and cried. I stayed there for the next 3 periods until lunch. When the lunch bell rang , I headed to the library. I grabbed a laptop and sat down in private and searched up Ways To Manage Your Weight. I went through countless websites . Helpful, but not helpful enough. Until I found a post on LoseflabLookfab.com from someone named Peachyslim :

Create a weight journal. Manage your calories, weight , your gain and loss ,and most important track your progress.

It was perfect I'd follow her advice. I close my tab and shut down my laptop and headed to my next class.