Philinda: you're the only love I've ever known

Part 2

It had been only a day since she stood in front of Maria hill and found out her world would come crashing down and that it had, She found it hard to do anything anymore, the slow paced days behind her desk filing papers was even too much to bare. It was all just too much, Bahrain was over, the divorce had been finalized but that didn't mean she wasn't still suffering from it all. And suddenly the last bit of weight that would cause her to crash down in a spiral of broken hearts and tear soaked pillows was Phil Coulsons death. He was gone and she was in over her head anymore, to call up Andrew and scream and cry to him would be easy but she couldn't do that. She broke his heart when she left him, she knew that but it had been necessary and he knew that. She laid her head in her hands unable to look at the files that say in front of her for any longer.

  "Agent Melinda May to Nick Furys office" rang in the small cubicle filled office. It wasn't often people were called directly to Furys office especially Melinda. She had fallen into the shadows and wasn't looked upon by anyone anymore. Still yet she got up and forced herself to walk down those hallways towards his office. She waited outside for what seemed like forever but even the smallest amount of time dragged on for her now. He buzzed her in and she blankly followed up into the large office, she swallowed and walked up to his desk carefully. He just looked up to her with almost a sadness in his eyes, it was understandable anyway, everyone just lost the one man they could always count on. "Melinda. I am so sorry" he said quietly, may had never heard that sympathetic softness in his voice. "I've been meaning to meet with you but just didn't know what I would say truly. We've lost plenty of agents but this one hits home you know. I couldn't bring myself to speak with you" he let out, this nick fury she seen now was comforting. Melinda had been around shield for a long time, the elder agents had all come to have a bond including nick and herself but she distanced herself from that group awhile ago after everything that had happened. She was glad to see nick still cared. "Maria tells me you haven't requested any days off." He spoke out and the dark haired women just nodded. "I'm going to give them to you anyway Melinda. You're trying to remain unbroken, I get it. That's how you are and always have been but I know you May. So I'm giving you this time to cope, for Phil and all this other shit that's happened in the past" the man shook his head and motioned for the seat in front of him and Melinda quietly sat down. "As you know Phil didn't have any close family and well, Ms.Nathan can't know of any of shield Intel so that leaves you to any matters involving-" nick cut off not sure how to place a name on it besides flat out saying phils horrific death, Melinda just nodded in understanding. "Director Fury in all respects I don't think I'm the right person" she stuttered and he just shook his head. "Don't give me that Melinda, I know what you and Phil had wasn't a normal coworker bond and I know Phil wouldn't have anyone else to see to his decisions" he said sternly and Melinda knew she didn't have a say anymore. "I need to know I can count on you for this, it's
Not going to be easy I know but you need to keep phil-" "I'm sorry sir, I don't follow. What are you speaking of?" She asked hesitantly, nick dropped his head and opened a drawer. Pulling out a large file he scooted across the desk, "I'm sorry Melinda, it has to be decided" he said letting his hand drop from the file. Melinda slowly took it into her own hands but looked up at the man in front of her. "Nick, what is this?" She asked softly, Afraid to open it. He motioned for it and she opened up.

    Her heart sank as she read over quickly, "Tahiti" she whispered realizing. She rested her hands over the folder, "Nick you know I can't do this." She said shaking her head . "It's an option Melinda and I-" "no, it's not. Agent Coulson shut the Tahiti program down. He didn't want this, any of it" she shook her head closing the file and handing it back to him. Phil came to her nearly in tears telling her about the Tahiti program and the terrible side effects that came with it. She couldn't do this to him but at the same time this was her only chance to get him back. She needed to get him back more than anything, "think about it agent may. Sleep on it, we have 24 hours after midnight" he explained pushing the file back to her. Melinda swallowed the lump in her throat and took the file without a word. Leaving the office she went straight home. She had no idea what to do.

   Reading over case after case in the dimly lit room Melinda wasn't coming any closer to a decision over something that could change her life forever. Her door bell rang and she jumped slightly, quickly getting up her bare feet walked along the floor. The delivery boy stood anxiously at the door holding her take out, she paid him and took the food as he smiled at her. "Most people tip but you could invite me inside instead" he said shrugging and winking at her. "Nice try. How does 5 bucks sound?" She said rolling her eyes and leaning over to grab a few dollars from her key tray. She glanced at her home phone noticing it was unplugged as she unfolded  the bills. "Stay in school kid" she smiled as he grabbed the bills. "Have a nice night mam" he laughed as she shut the door. She leaned down to plug her phone back up. Clicking the on button the voicemail light flashed, she hadn't noticed it was unplugged on account no one ever called. It could have been off for months. She listened to a few voicemails, one from her mother telling her about a family reunion that she missed, "I had to tell them you were married so you wouldn't shame the family" she said causing Melinda to laugh. She filed through mail deleting that recording, The next one clicked on and caused her to stop immediately. Her blood ran cold as she listened, "Hey Mel, I'd imagine you're not home so I'll end up calling your cellphone after this but I just wanted to tell you I'm okay, I think I'm getting old because fighting asgardians gods didn't used to be this hard. I'll start tai chi with you after I get back to get these rusty bones back in shape but anyway I'm safe, Steves got my back" he laughed causing Melinda to chuckle as a stream of tears fell down her cheeks. "I'll be home after I kick some ass, I'll see you soon Mel" and like that Phils voice was gone. "I'll see you soon Phil" Melinda whispered through tears. She walked back to the closet opening the doors and scooting her things over. An old grey t shirt sat among all her things, she tore it down and clung to it like it would save her life and it was. She breathed in deeply trying to save any remaining bits of Phil that was still on it.

  The very next morning Melinda marched into Furys office, placing the file on his desk she inhaled deeply. "I honestly don't know what Phil would want, this wasn't out normal over dinner conversations but I know what I want. Its hard for me to do and It's not natural, but We live in a world where a super soldier was literally frozen in time, a scientist morphs into a huge rage monster, and a billionaire can make himself fly. None of its natural and I need Phil Coulson" she sighed. "We are doing project Tahiti but under my conditions" she said sternly. Nick smiled, "of course agent may" he agreed. "What are these conditions anyway?" He asked. She glanced down at him, "he's not some lab rat and you will make sure your scientist know this and they will inform me if anything changes or goes wrong." She said and nick nodded. "And Phil never knows" she said sternly.