Burning Slowly

Chapter 27

Derek stood outside of the same toy store he'd been at the day Stiles had freaked out. He was unconsciously running the fingers of one hand over a seashell while the other held it carefully. His suitcase leaned against his legs. The bus didn't leave until later in the evening. He looked at the toy store and tried to swallow down regret. Stiles had felt abandoned, but Derek had come to the store and purchased several board games as well as a few party games. They were still in the bags in the back of the van at the beach house. He'd never gotten to show them to his pack. They were the kinds of games that his family used to play together. He thought Stiles would have liked them, which is why he left them with the van.

Stiles...

He closed his eyes at the memory, wanted it to go away. He didn't want to remember how Stiles had looked so warm, content, and trusting as he slept. Stiles deserved something better than what Derek could give him. He was too cold and too unfriendly. Part of Derek had died with his family; he was just half a person. Stiles should be with someone less damaged.

Derek couldn't shake away the memories from earlier in the morning. The smells, the sounds, and the feelings washed over him. Stiles finally getting into the shower, how he sat on the floor outside of the bathroom, leaning against the wall and hating himself for giving in to his desires. He'd planned to leave when he woke up, but he couldn't think with Stiles so close to him, couldn't think with warm hands running through his hair.

It would have been better if he hadn't done anything, but at least he hadn't let Stiles do anything to him. He was weak for giving in and taking what he wanted from Stiles, for giving in to his lust and instinct. He hoped that it was better that Stiles was taken care of, sated, maybe it would be a good memory. He smirked to himself, as if having someone taking advantage of you before leaving could possibly be turned into a good thing.

Derek carefully placed the seashell in his pocket. He felt bad about stealing it from Stiles, but he needed something. He pulled out his phone and opened the picture he had taken that morning. Stiles curled up in the blankets of the bed they'd shared. He was on his stomach, face turned towards the camera with a content smile on his face. The pale skin of his neck was visible at the edge of the covers, little red marks barely visible. He opened the menu to delete it, but his thumb hovered over the button, didn't press it right away.

He was startled when the phone buzzed. It was a text message notification from Stiles. He hesitated, unsure of what he should do, didn't know that he could face whatever it said. He steeled himself and opened the message; Stiles deserved the right to say whatever he needed to say.

'pick me up a sausage biscuit while ur out k? extra cheese!'

Derek blinked at the words. Had Stiles misunderstood what his leaving meant? Had he not noticed that Derek had taken his suitcase? His phone buzzed again. He looked at the next message and as he was looking another one came right after that. They were both from Stiles too.

'Scott wants a bagel with cream cheese'

'and a good fucking apology for you breaking his leg. kthx'

Derek shook his head. He put his phone away and grabbed his suitcase. He made his way down the street that would eventually lead him to the bus stop. His stomach growled. Stiles's messages about food had done more than make him feel guilty and ashamed. He went into a small café on the way and ordered a drink. The waitress looked like she thought he was going to murder her. He tried to smile reassuringly. She almost dropped his drink in her haste to get away from the table. He scowled after her.

His phone rang and it was from a number he didn't recognize. He ignored it and sipped at his drink. After a few seconds his phone notified him he had a voicemail. He dialed into his message box and listened.