Goodbye and Hello You

Prologue

Mabilis akong lumabas ng mansyon. Isang lugar lang ang gusto kong puntahan ngayon. Masyadong mabigat ang dinadala ko. Baka 'di ko kayanin kung hindi ko pa siya makita.

Habang sakay ng motor, nadaanan ko 'yung mga lugar na madalas namin puntahan. Naalala ko mga tawanan at lambingan. Naalala ko ang mga masasayang araw na kasama siya. Mga alaalang kahit gusto ko ng kalimutan sa sobrang sakit ay hindi ko magawa. Kasi mahalaga.

Napansin kong lumamig ang hangin 'di dahil sa bilis ng paandar ko kundi dahil sa malapit ng pagbagsak ng ulan. Dinadamayan Mo ulit ako. Napangiti na lang ako at naramdaman ang mahinang ambon. At least, I know I'm not alone facing you. Niliko ko ang motor ko at bumalik.

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Maaga pa pero nagdidilim na dahil sa kapal ng ulap. Nagmadali akong ihinto ang motor sa tapat ng gate. Hawak ko yung mga bulaklak na gustong gusto niya. Kinuha ko yung susi at binuksan gate. Tinanggal ko ang helmet at pinatong sa kabinet. Doon ko lang napansin ang mamasang masang pisngi ko. Huminga muna ako ng malalim at ngumiti.

Binuksan ko yung lagayan ng mga kandila at kumuha ng isa. Kumuha na rin ako ng maliit na vase at gunting. Nilapag ko mga iyon kasama ng mga bulaklak na dala ko sa tapat ng puntod niya. Umupo ako.

  "Hi, mom."  

 I feel the coldness of the wind and hear the softness of the falling rain. I let myself to calm and sort everything I have to say. Huminga ulit ako para ilabas at bumwelo sa sasabihin ko.

"They said that I'm lucky that we're a match. Wherever I am, whatever I do, and whenever I need you, you're always been there for me. You taught me to be dependent to anyone even to you, but you didn't taught me how to be by myself. We're always been together, laugh together and love together. Yet, you left us crying over you. Why didn't you let me be alone so I can live without you?"

Slowly, tinanggal ko mga tangkay at binawasan ang mga dahon sa bulaklak kasabay ng unting-unti na paglabas ng saloobin ko sa kanya.

"They said that I'm lucky to have you as my mom. We're not just mother and daughter. We're sisters and the very best friend I ever had.  In this world so cruel and unfair, you've become my sun which enlightens me to know what right and good things are. You always remind me to seek every good in every people I meet and every situation I'll be in. Now you're gone, who's going to be my light and remind me of those things?"

Small tears start to fall on my cheeks. At pinunasan ko iyon. Pinilit kong magmatapang sa harap niya.

"I don't know what to feel right now. I'm your child but I can do nothing but be a burden to you even with your last breath. But... I think I should give my thanks to you, mom. Thank you for loving me. Though I should be the one up there. I'll try to let you go but I can't promise I can do it fast. I promise that someday you can be proud of me as your daughter by fulfilling your dreams for me..."

I tried to smile but I cried so hard. Thinking if I should even say this.

"... but I can't be your daughter anymore. Sorry, mom. Sorry if I can't be the person you wanted me to be. "

Kinuha ko yung gunting para matapos na lahat.