A New kind of crazy

her

I went about my routine with an hour of sleep under my belt, insomnia sucked. I went downstairs to eat and take my pill which still made me want to gag but I managed to not vomit as I got the rest of my stuff. I peered through the window just in time to see Adrian outside finishing a cigarette before putting it out under his shoe. He then stuffed his hand in his khakis brushing his chin on the collar on his off-white linen button up shirt which was topped with a thick navy cardigan. His brown leather satchel bumped against his thigh and as usual his hair was chaotic. He crossed the street and approached my door where he rang the doorbell. I picked up my school bag just as my mother called me down. My mother stared at me silently questioning me about the boy at the door but I brushed past her and out the door.
"Have a nice day" she called after me but I didn't stop or slow down.
"Don't you like your mother?"Adrian queried.
"I do" I replied
"Then why do you act like that?"
"Act like what?" I asked getting annoyed.
"Never mind" he dismissed.
"No really" I demanded.
"She really cares about you thats all" I felt guilty and it hung over us as we walked to school in silence. The lump in my throat was back because I refused to cry, especially now of all times. Just because he was cool with my nonexistent personality doesn't mean it would be okay to burst into tears.
"I'm sorry"
"What?"
"If I hurt you" he answered sincerely.
"Its fine. I'm not. Lets talk about something else"
His eyes suddenly flashed wickedly "like the way you were watching me?" He suggested with a smug smirk.
"Why do you know where I live" I questioned moving away from the fact that I had stood at my window and watched him for a while.
Our footsteps echoed on the pavement as we walked. "I live around the corner" surely I would have noticed such a person like Adrian. I hated how involved I was with myself that I had missed him "I saw the day they bought you home." I missed a step and Adrian looked at me worried.
"Yeah I was away for a while" I replied uneasily. After that we didn't say anything else and that was fine.
When we got to school I was the focus of everyone's attention. Adrian had left me to go somewhere and I was now stuffing things in my locker trying to ignore them.
"Ew" whispered some girls as I brushed past them.
"Ugly" a group of boys joked as ignored them the best I could
"Disgusting" a fake Barbie doll standing next to the toilets muttered.
"Mental" her friend said giggling
"Shes crazy" I guess now everyone knew where I had been before I showed up.
I walked into the empty toilets and looked in the mirror
I know you are. My subconscious stated.
Ugly, dumb, disgusting, worthless, no one wants you around.
I walked into the cubicle and shed a few tears. After suppressing most of it I walked out eyes trained to the floor and avoided my reflection as I scrubbed my filthy hands. I hated every part of my self it made me angry and frustrated.
"The quietest place is always the library especially the history section" a girl whispered in my ear I turned to meet a girl of average height with a short bob of wavy chestnut hair. She had it clipped back with a glittery hair slide that matched her nails and the silvery converses she had on. Her mini skirt showed off most of her tanned legs but it seemed to work for her.
"I'm Melissa if you were wondering" she offered
"Hi" I replied shyly.
"I'll see you in class, okay?"
I frowned not knowing what class that was. I walked to my first period class uninterrupted as the hallways were a bit more clear now only the later students were still out. I walked into the classroom and everyone looked at me. I tried to make it to the empty table without starting anything but people found it funny to block me. What was worse was that it was only the second row closest to the door. I went to sit and my chair was pulled away from under me but my reflexes caught me. My legs were now trembling from the anxiety of the situation. Everyone thought it was funny to see them torture me but I felt like I was gonna die.
"Aww she's about to cry" more laughter.
"Why don't you just go kill yourself nobody wants you here" the queen bee, I'm guessing, suggested. They eventually got bored and left my chair in the aisle for me to retrieve. When I was settled my tremors continued just as the teacher walked in.
He acknowledged us and promptly started the lesson. Five minutes in the door opened. In walked Adrian who handed the teacher a piece of paper and came and sat next to me. He looked flustered but he wouldn't even meet my eye so I couldn't ask if he was okay. While taking notes my hand had started to shake at equal intervals which was messing up my notes. Suddenly, I felt warmth take over my freezing skin. I looked down at my hand that had been engulfed by Adrian's own porcelain hand. I looked at the contrast and how they seemed to compliment each other like caramel swirled in vanilla ice cream. My heart stopped beating so fast and my body stopped shaking. It began to relax and I felt weary with all the tension being released. I spent the rest of the morning with Adrian. He was in all my classes except PE which was split into gender groups. When I was with him I was sucked into his world, I seemed to forget my own depressing reality. At lunch he left me for a bit. After feeling overwhelmed by people, I took a detour to the library to check out the history section. I was so shocked that I almost contemplated going back but Melissa just saw me and smiled. She beckoned me over so I walked further between the shelves stiffly unsure of myself.
"Hey Shelley this is Kyle, Kyle this is Shelley" Melissa introduced us as she gave me my second nickname this week. Kyle saluted to me before gathering his stuff and leaving. I looked at Melissa who just grinned at me and patted the spot next to her indicating I should sit. I looked at the tiny pills in the bag she had cradled in the palm of her had. She opened the mini bag and tipped it upside down till one of the tiny pills fell into her hand then turned to me.
"Here, a present for you" she handed me the tiny pill which I clutched in my hand.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Ecstasy" she replied casually.
"Why?"
"To get high. You know, to feel good" it was something I hadn't felt in a while.
"Can I take it now?"
"Sure just don't call my name if you get caught" I rolled my eyes and swallowed the pill. What's the worse that could happen I already suffered from anxiety and depression. After ten minutes I started to feel a bit weird so I left the library in search of Adrian because lunch was ending in five minutes.
"What's the matter with you?" Adrian's deep voice bellowed, at least I think it did was that even his voice?
"Nothing's the matter" I giggled at the sound of my own voice.
He felt my forehead and frowned. His touch made me shiver in excitement so I stroked my face which felt incredible. I started caressing my arm as Adrian dragged me through the hallways. Maybe he was angry but I couldn't think straight and his touch felt so good. I didn't know how to explain this feeling but it was the best I had felt in a while. My skin was so sensitive I couldn't concentrate on much else for long. I wanted to go outside and feel the wind on my newly hot skin but Adrian's touch was doing just fine.

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