Late Night Thoughts

dear father

when i was one
you promised to love me

when i was three

you said my happiness comes first

when i was five

you swore to always protect me

when i was seven

you kept quiet

when i was nine

you acted like nothing ever happened

when i was eleven

you left me forever

now i'm seventeen

and i don't know what to think

i know you had to leave

i know you had no choice

but

i know you could have loved me

i know you could have put my happiness first

i know you could have protected me

i know you knew

i know you never spoke up

what i don't know is

how could you have been a father

when you didn't save your daughter?

how could you accept my unwavering love, devotion, idolization

when you refused to save your daughter?

how?

how could you live with yourself

when you left a part of your daughter die?