Late Night Thoughts

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I don't know what to do with myself anymore ever since I swallowed all those pills I was just trying to be happy I feel like I'm not even alive I'm living but I'm not living I'm just existing just floating along in a world of hatred for no reason and with no purpose I'm just here and I don't know what to do with myself I feel so lost I'm breathing but I can't get any air and I'm here but I'm not present and I just hate myself and the world so much I don't know why I just feel so bad all the time and when I don't feel bad I feel guilty like I have to feel bad and that makes me feel worse I just upset everyone and I lie to make them feel better I lie to pretend but then it's just lies lies lies and I'm not happy even when I am and I just don't know I don't know anything I don't know what to do I don't know how to live and I hate myself so much I hate myself because I can't be normal and good and happy and enough and I'm just here and I can't breathe I can't do anything I'm dying but I can't die I want to die I hurt my throat burns my chest aches my body is sore and I hurt my mind hurts and I'm sad and angry and upset and confused and guilty because everything is awful and I just can't do this I can't do anything this is so hard life is so hard living is too hard it's too hard I want to die death would be easier if only I could get there I need help I need help but I can't I'm sorry and I hate myself so much and I'm sorry that I'm such shit but life is shit too and I don't know how to be better because I can't I literally can't do it I can't make me better or life better or anything better it's all just shit I am shit this is shit and I hate it I hate it all I hate me