hiraeth

Chapter One: Lost Stars

o n e | L O S T S T A R S

The boy stared up at the white painted ceiling of the dorm room, the silence of late afternoon felt like cotton balls in his ears. His almond shaped eyes slowly traversed down the ceiling, falling on to the slightly ajar door opposite of where he was laying.

Yoongi-Hyung should be awake, right? He shook my head, trying to get rid of the thought. No... I shouldn't bother him.

A sudden dryness attacked his throat, unwillingly pulling him towards the kitchen. His body is moving seemingly on its own, taking him through the silent darkness of the dorm.

"Taehyung?"

The voice broke through the silence, stopping him dead in my tracks. "A-Ah, hyung. You're up?" The awkwardness in his voice was evident. The shorter male tilted his head slightly to the right, his tiredness painted clearly through his disorientated expression.

"Of course I'm up, I always am. I'm more curious on why you're up." Taehyung nervously scratched the back of his head, annoyed with how this situation is going. "You know.. I was just.. Thirsty." This was true, however his tone didn't portray that.

"I see... What's going on, Tae? You don't seem like yourself lately."

Deep down, Taehyung was happy to hear those words from his hyung. It meant he paid attention to him long enough to notice a difference.

"I'm not sure.. Stress, I guess." A goofy smile played on his lips, earning a strange look from the older. "What?" His lips parts slightly to let out a soft giggle, "I rhymed."

Yoongi's eyes softened at the slight return of the alien's weirdness, "Get some water and rest, Tae." The red headed male pivoted on his left heel, turning his back towards the younger.

A hand gripped his arm as it swung slightly back as he walked, causing him to glance over his shoulder at the boy. His face was angled downwards, his hair casting a dark shadow across his eyes that was noticeable even in the dimly lit hallway.

"Taehyung?"

His voice was barely above a whisper, his mental wall around his emotions faltering a bit at the suddenness of the situation. "Can I talk to you, Yoongi?" Before the elder could reply, Taehyung let out a bitter laugh that no one has ever heard from the usually cheerful teen. "No, actually, can you listen?"

Hesitantly, the male nodded. Somehow he knew that what Taehyung needed to be said was important and couldn't wait another moment. He took the younger's hand and lead him to the couch that was located in the small living room of the dorm.

"What is it, Tae? You can tell me anything." He knew it sounded cliche, but it was true. The male was accepting to anything Taehyung might have to say.

"I'm so lonely, hyung."

The words came as a shock to Yoongi, he didn't know how to react. "But.. You have us, you have ARMYs.." Taehyung shook his head, his eyes angled towards his hands that were intertwined in his lap.

"It's not the same. Even on stage, in front of the roaring crowd... I feel alone. It's like I'm a single star, light years away from any Galaxy."

The poetic words struck at Yoongi's heart, leaving him dumbfounded at the new side of the engergetic teen that he hasn't seen before. "Taehyung... When did you start feeling this way?"

Tears stung at Taehyung's eyes as he recalled the beginnings of this 'depression.' He shook his head, looking up for a brief second at the male who sat across from him.

"I'm not sure... I think it was always there, really. When we debuted, I felt normal- I felt happy. Slowly, I noticed how the members treated me slightly differently than the others. I would act out, trying to get their attention but really, nothing changed."

The blonde kept silent, not wanting to interrupt the younger. His words soaked deep into his mind, like the image of the beach when you're on vacation. Every detail of the scene given to him, engraved into every corner of his mind. Like how you remember what time of day it was, how crowded it was, what you are wearing.. Everything you saw was remembered, but it's just a memory.

"The fans loved it, though. They even started calling me an alien." A short, bitter laugh escaped his lips. "I tried, Yoongi. I tried to belong in BTS, I barely made it in. Yet, you guys accepted me. That was it, though. You only accepted me. You didn't notice me long enough to see how much pain I was in. You didn't-"

Suga reached out and embraced the younger, the soft tears trickling down Taehyung's face were now absorbed into the fabric of the rapper's shirt.

As the two sat in silence, Yoongi's mind was plagued with the small hints of Taehyung's depression that everyone overlooked over the past two years. He looked down at the male who's face was buried in the crook of his neck, his fair skin tinted with pink from crying.

His hand moved in circular motions on the teen's back, trying to soothe him like a mother would console her child. "Shh, it's alright."

Taehyung's mind was finally at peace for the first time in what seemed like forever, he always felt comforted by the loving words of the fans but he knew that it was only a loud distraction to distract himself from the quiet whispers of his demons.

"Hyung."
"Hm?"
"Do you... Do you think I'll belong in BTS one day?"
"You already do, Taehyungie."

A soft smile crept onto the boy's lips. Thank you, Yoongi.