I can't.
I just want to sleep but i can't.
My chest still hurts. It feels like it's been crushed and stomped on by the heaviest creatures on earth.
I want to cry so much but if I do, people at school will question why my eye bags are so big tomorrow. I have to keep this all in.
I'm thinking about so much things right now.
The first thing that i thought about was there was never an "us" because our relationship was only until mutual understanding. He was never my boyfriend and i was never his girlfriend. In short he was never mine. I have NO RIGHT to get jealous, but..... F*ck i'm getting teary-eyed. NO!
I won't cry. I won't. I'll be strong.
----
*alarm noises*
Huh? Umaga na pala? I fell asleep! I ran straight to the mirror and looked if I had eyebags.... And... Thank God! I don't have eyebags. I didn't cry. I'm fine. Right?While taking a shower, i was still thinking of a lot of things. I thought of how i used to daydream about our future, where we'd live as husband and wife, what names would we give to our children and... And now it was just a dream. Nothing but a dream.
I WANT TO SCREAM(!!!!!!!!!)
I feel like bursting, but like i keep saying.... I won't.----
Life is not a fairytale, nor a novel. It's not like a story on wattpad where you can unpublish a chapter. It's real life and what happens stays as it is. You can never go back and you can never undo things you regret.
----
Otw to school and I still keep thinking. Why don't i hate him already? Am i allowed to hate him? And why don't i hate her? "It wasn't her fault he fell for her" i answered myself.
Was it my fault?
"Clarisse? Dear, we've arrived at your school already. What're you thinking about?" Mom asked
"Oh, it's nothing mom. I was just remembering the science stuff i studied about last night" i lied with a smile. Hopefully it didn't look fake.
This day just started but i feel like it's been so long.
As i make my way down the corridors i think to myself, if it was my fault then i have no right, no right at all to be mad.
What if i appreciated him more? What if i also made a move? What if i wasn't shy and just showed him how much i truly loved him? What if?
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never showed you I loved you, but I do. I really do. Everyday when i'm on my way home i would see a vacant lot and think to myself 'one day and Cabbage and I will build our house there' and i kept imagining our lives the happiest. I'm sorry. I just don't know how to express my feelings into words or actions because I'm afraid to lose you. I'm afraid that if I do or say something wrong, you'd stop liking me. I don't know what to do or what to say to you because this is the first time ever I felt this way and i want it to last but because of my fears i didn't actually do anything. And that made you think i didn't care and made you look for another girl that'll give you attention. I understand if we can't go back to the way we used to be but i just wanted you to know I loved you and I'm truly sorry." I said in my head... I just don't know how I'll face him after what I didn't do to him......
~~~~
FIRST OF ALL SORRY SORRY SORRY GUYS!!! Ngayon lang ako nakapag-update huhu at ang ikli pa pero from the heart yan! Kaya sana maappreciate nyo at maintindihan nyo si author hehehe. Lovelots pa rin! VOMMENT for me to be inspired :)
~author a.
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The Thoughts we Never had the Chance to Say
RomanceLove was never simple Clarisse, an ordinary girl experienced love and romance at an early age. She was happy, and contented with him. But one day it all changed. If she had said something would things be different? Then she realized, change is inev...