I refuse to write a poem about you
So I'm writing a poem about me instead,
I refuse to write a poem void of meaning
And it seems meaninglessness was all we had.
You heard that I'm an insatiable slut
Incapable of romance and incapable of feelings
But you've only known me under the influence
Of brokenness, lust and... other things.
Get me high enough and I'm all yours, I promise
I never, not once, can protest or fight
As long as I am just about conscious
And as long as you can carry me back for the night.
If you can get under the layers of clothes I applaud you,
If you try to see deeper into me... I abhor you!
Keep your hands on my flesh and keep your mind separate from mine.
Use your tongue for anything but talking.
I'm not naive or a hopeless romantic
I know I was just there when you needed it.
It's my own fault for thinking someone might care
Enough to maybe clarify the nothingness of it.
I'm not hurt by the rejection or by jealousy
After all I'm the one who doesn't feel feelings like most,
I'm more hurt by what I let myself get into
And my cheap used worth that I almost lost.
I'm awaiting the day that I finally mean something
To someone and I can stop using drugs
As a futile excuse just to keep trying
To meet someone who doesn't love less than I love.
