Dear Somebody

Dear Crush

Dear Crush,

Hey, it's me. I'm that girl who wants to be next to you every moment, but never sits next to so you won't know. That girl you're friends with sometimes, but not friends with other times. The girl that acts like she doesn't really care. That's me. But guess what? I may not act like it, but I care a whole lot more than you think. I care about you so much, it actually scares me sometimes. You have no idea how hard it is for me to force myself to stop thinking about you sometimes. If I see you, I want to be next to you. I want to be wherever you are. But I always force myself to go the other way. I remember last year, people would always accuse us of being a couple, or accuse one of us of liking the other. And we pummeled them...together. But I know that I blushed whenever that happened, especially because the boy who did it the most knew for a fact that I like you. This year, we've made some memories that I don't want to forget, ever. They may have meant nothing to you, but they meant so much to me. I remember that one boring History class when I got the chance to sit next to you. You looked out the window and tapped my shoulder, telling me that it was snowing. We watched it snow for a minute until our teacher caught us. I remember when we went on that field trip to Philadelphia, and it was so cold. You didn't want to put on your gloves or hat, and when you did, your fingers and ears were already numb. I remember you took off your glove and asked me to squeeze your fingers to see if you could feel it, which you couldn't. I remember rubbing your fingers to try and get them warm, and wrapping your hands in my scarf. I know you couldn't feel my hand but I could feel yours. I never want to forget how your hand felt in mine. Never. That's one of my favorite memories. I remember I was with you nearly that entire trip, and we would just walk and talk. I remember how close you were to me nearly every second, and how hard it was to not just lean over and kiss you. But, enough about memories. Have I ever told you that you have the most beautiful smile? You may have braces, but that doesn't stop your smile from sparkling. Your face lights up entirely and your skin crinkles under your eyes. And when you laugh, how you always sort of lurch forward giggling silently before you actually laugh. Your laugh and smile are beautiful. I wish I could see them more often. I wish I knew what to do to cause you to laugh. What to say, what to do. But you always know how to make me laugh, even without trying. You're one of the funniest guys I know, and I don't think you know how funny you are. You never fail to make me smile. And even on days when I hate the world, just seeing you or hearing your voice make me happy. And then there's your eyes. Your eyes are so beautiful. Big and brown and framed with long eyelashes. Long enough to make your eyes seem a bit feminine, but beautiful nonetheless. They sparkle when you laugh. But I can hardly ever look right at them, because when I make eye contact with you, I lose all ability to think properly. My heart flutters, my hands get sweaty, my cheeks and ears get hot, and my brain just shuts down. The dumbest thing is, I've gotten jealous. One of my best friends sits by you in class fairly often, and I do see you two talking. Whenever I see it, I actually feel jealous at my best friend, because she can talk to you and I can't. And I remember once during Health class, the skankily-dressing dumb blonde of the grade plunked down next to you, and you looked over at me with a freaked out expression. I mouthed "sorry" at you, and you turned back around. I could see how she was flirting with you like she does to everybody, batting her eyelashes and putting her arm on the back of your chair. You didn't pick up what she was doing, but I did. I wanted to get up and punch her in the face. But honestly, I'm glad you can't recognize flirting. Otherwise you'd have found out a long time ago how I feel about you. I hadn't been able to be close to you for quite a while until Field Day this year. You were on my team, so I was with you pretty much all day. It was mostly just standing or sitting next you and talking to you, but not during the Tug-Of-War. Everyone had to squish in so close, and you were right next to me. When we picked up the rope, our hands were touching. My heart was fluttering so much, and I wonder when the next time something like that will happen. Probably never. You're so sweet, but you don't realize it. You can be such a jerk, but still the nicest guy. I'm too young to say that I "love" you and mean it, but I don't really know what else to call how I feel. You're amazing and beautiful and funny and sweet. Thing is though, you're completely uninterested. You couldn't care less about "love" or "feelings" or that sort of thing. And the sad part about that is, even though I'm young, most girls my age can picture their life with people. And I can't picture myself with anyone but you. I'm terrified of you ending up with someone else.

Sincerely,

Me