Moments

Chapter five.

Alexia stood, outside Dr. Samuel Wickers office, her hand resting on the doorknob, debating whether or not to go in. After her talk with Greg, they had both taken the day off school, faking a mysterious stomach flu, Alex was sure of her decision, she knew she needed help, but she couldn't face Eli just yet. They'd walked to 'The Den'; a place Alex and Jack had found, one summer in their childhood. The Den was a secluded, woody hideout, in the middle of the forest at the bottom of Alexia's parents property. There was a wide strip of grass, that faded into rocks, and finally a lake, perfect for swimming in, in the warm summer months. It had been, their favourite hangout, beside the treehouse when they were younger, and they had brought things from the house to accommodate their needs. Deck chairs, scattered around a pit, surrounded by small stones for bonfires, a thick knotted rope, tied around an old branch, that hung over the lake. In the days after Jacks death, she had spent the majority of her time there, curled up under one of Jacks old sweatshirts, that he'd left behind only days before. 

Suddenly the handle twisted beneath her grip; the door opening wide. Samuel Wickers stood there, looking inquiringly at her. Sam, was fresh out of university, and had been glad to find such a great job opportunity so quickly. He knew working with troubled teenagers was never going to be an easy job; but he never thought anyone would be as difficult as Alexia. He knew he could barely scrape the plaster from the walls she had built up, but it didn't stop him trying. He had brought his PS3 to work, after finding out she liked video games, to see if that would open her up at all; it hadn't, and had also ended up in humiliation for him, when she beat him every time. That's why he was surprised to see her, standing at his door when it wasn't even time for her appointment.

"Alexia" he said, curiously "Are you alright?" she nodded back at him, rubbing her hand on the back of her neck.

"Can I come in?" she asked, looking firmly at his feet, not wanting to catch his eye.

"Sure" he send gently, holding the door wide, so she could duck under his arm inside. He walked to his office, Alexia trailing him. Once inside, he kicked the door closed, crossing over to the couch and picking up an armful of books and discarded papers.

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone" he said, dropping the books onto the floor next to his desk, before taking the couch opposite Alexia.

"What's going on?" he asked, leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees. Alexia swallowed hard, her brow creasing, as she tried to think of the right words to say. Sam waited patiently, giving her time; as he picked at a loose thread on his shirt sleeve. Alexia stood up, walking around the back of the couch, lacing her fingers behind her head.

"I can't think of how to say this" she said with a breathy laugh, blowing her fringe out of her eyes. 

"Take your time" Sam said reassuringly, offering up a friendly smile.

"I want help" she said, her tone serious, "I just can't take it any longer" This was probably the longest sentence Sam had ever heard her speak, and it was all he had been longing to hear in the months since she first came to him. He looked up to her, catching her eye and for a moment he felt the pain reflected inside them, the horrors her young eyes had seen, and he understood her. He stood up.

"and i want to help, but I need you to talk to me, otherwise I can't" he said, shaking his head.

"I'm ready to talk, just make it go away" she begged, her knuckles turning white where they gripped the back of the couch.

"Make what go away Alex?" he pushed.

"The pain, it just hurts so much, everything hurts so much" she sobbed. Sam moved to rest a reassuring hand on her shaking shoulders. He was worried now, scared even, that this was a problem that he couldn't fix. He hadn't noticed the extent of the damage, building up inside Alexia, he didn't know what had triggered her coming to his office like this, after months of silence. But he wanted to fix it, to help her, more than anything.

"Okay" he said, squeezing her shoulder "I promise Alex, whatever it takes, I will get you through this" There was silence for a moment.

"Thank you" she said finally, in a barely audible whisper, walking away from him and to the window. "I haven't took my meds in weeks" she said, staring out into the small courtyard, that the bank of offices surrounded, her fingers drawing shapes in the condensation formed on the windows by her warm breath. Sam walked over, staying a couple of foot away, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Your parents are alright with that?" he asked, though he already knew the answer. "They deal with people's problems every single day at work, they deserve a break" Alexia said with a shrug.

"And your friends?" he countered quickly.

"They don't need to know"

"Why'd you stop?" This made Alexia pause for a moment, as she thought through her answer.

"They made me numb, but the pain was still there underneath, like an itch you can't scratch, it drove me crazy" she said.

"They'd have changed your meds, if you'd said something" 

"I didn't want them to change them, I wanted to be off them" she said with a finality to her voice. 

"How are things at school" Sam continued, he wasn't about to let her stop talking, to let her retreat back in her shell.

"Everything's the same" she said, with a sad smile "But different at the same time"

"Doing all your work?" She laughed harshly at that.

"The only perk of being the girlfriend of a dead guy, is that no one questions when you forget to hand in your history essay"

"What about your friends?" Alexia turned away with a shrug.

"They're why I came. I can't afford to lose anyone else" She walked further away, sitting down on the couch. Sam walked to his desk, accidentally kicking over the pile of papers he'd thrown down earlier. He bent down, rifling through the pages, until he found what he was looking for, a glossy A5 brochure, that had come in the post earlier that week. He crossed over to the couches, sitting down next to Alex.

"Can I make a suggestion?" he asked, raising his eyebrows inquiringly. She nodded back at him,

"I want you to look at this" he said, pressing the brochure into her hands. She looked down; reading the title 'King Andrews'

"A school?" she asked, giving him a confused look. He shook his head.

"An institution" he said, scratching his head, "It's like a school, they just provide help, for teenagers that have been through a lot"

Alexia stared at the brochure, tracing her hand over the embossed lettering.

"A loony bin?" she asked, biting her bottom lip.

"No" Sam said, snatching the brochure back, opening it up and passing it back to her to read. "Its help, Alex, help"

"I can't just keep coming to you?" Sam shook his head

"I want to Alex, I truly do, but you need better than me. I'll always be here, to support you, I promise, but just me… its not enough"

Alexia bit her lip harder, drawing blood. Sam paused for a moment, before adding "Your parents and I… we talked about this, a couple of weeks ago, they agree that it'd be good for you, but they aren't going to force you to go anywhere you don't want to"

"No" Alexia said quickly "I want it" she brushed away the tears that threatened to spill over. Sam smiled.

"You're doing the right thing Alex"

"I know" she said, pulling the hood of her coat over her eyes, and leaning back into the couch.

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