Chasing Nothing

Blank Space

It was like after Denise we just fell off. Not the love. No the love was still there and always would be. I'm talking bout him letting me do stuff. I couldn't go out with nobody but him. Denise could only be held by certain people. That one I didn't mind. Except when it came to my side of the family. I had gotten my own place ,with the help of Section 8, and he moved in at first it was good sex was amazing. He was ,and still is, a great father. I saved up to buy a car and so did he. Shon taught me how to drive so it was me and Denise whipping back and forth from Warner Robins to Atlanta. She didn't want nor need for anything. The fighting wasn't new. I mean we did it when I first moved down to move in with him to Warner Robins, Georgia. But it got more severe. I had started working getting my hair nails and feet did. And anytime we went out dudes looked. But of course my loyalty stayed with Bryan even though we weren't together. He noticed and he would get mad. But I would always bring up the same thing he would bring up whenever I said something about him talking to another female, "I'm single, I can do whatever I want". But mine didn't sound quite as brutal. No I would say " I don't want him" I would innocently say. " I WANT YOU" I said sternly.

I was taking my Accountant Services classes online for my degree. I was some what successful with what I had. Even with a 6-month-old-daughter, a rude ass, babydaddy, and a job that paid the bills and at least put a little money in my pocket. See when things were going good between me and Bryan, he had a meal waiting on him every time he came home, the house was clean. All he had to do was shower and relax. He had it all. But Bryan was greedy. He wanted more. Something I couldn't give him. I had already given him everything.

I had just finished cleaning up. After last night, I didn't know where me and Bryan lied. Denise was sleeping in her bouncer peacefully in the guess room that we now sleep in. I heard him come in the front door and start for the stairs. I hurried and grabbed my laptop, notebook, and my colorful pens. I started on my assignment from earlier. I honestly didn't want to talk to him. I felt him staring at me. Burning a whole at the top of my head. After a while I finally looked up. And he was still there. "We need to talk." Flowed from his lips.  " About what exactly?" I asked. I really didn't wanna beat around the bush but didn't really want to talk to him either. " Dextiny... about us. I miss us. I miss us being together sleeping in the same bed, playing with our daughter... together, I miss the warm bathroom conversations. I miss it all. the time that you spent away from me made me realize that I cannot loose you. And that I also need you." Just hearing those words made me feel wanted again like I didn't need to fight for his attention like all this meant something. But in the back of my mind I was also thinking 'keep your guard up, he is just telling you want to hear, he isn't being sincere'. " Bryan you need to show me the change that you want me to see. That you think I deserve. And maybe then will I consider. But this isn't a over night thing. Me and Denise will come in there tonight, and tonight only until I honestly see some change." I said " Absolutely, I understand 100%" He said. And with that I put up my computer, he helped me with Niecy and we went to the master bedroom. He placed our baby in her crib and slid into bed. I stood at the door second guessing this decision. I turned on my heels, but was interrupted " Dex please " i could hear him start to cry. He held his head down. "I'm coming i was just gonna put on one of your over sized shirts" I looked over and he had his shirt, and pants off and he was left in his polo boxers. I quickly undressed and put on his t-shirt out his top drawer and climbed into bed. I scooted to were we barely was touching each other. "Dex come closer" i sighed "Bryan that is not what we agreed on" i blankly stated " You treat this like a fucking business transaction.. Dex you not in school, please relax" I relaxed a little and i just laid there. "Can we cuddle Dex" I starred blankly at the ceiling fan and gave in. We fell asleep to the matching rhythm of our uneven breathing.

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