Candy Kisses

Chapter 18

Chapter 18: Coming to Grips

Monica groggily shifted in Dirk's arms, smiled and burrowed closer. He chuckled against her ear and she came fully awake. He said, "I guess you could say we're a little more than employer and employee."

She stiffened and started to respond, but her voice cracked. She tried again. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."

"How so?"

"We're so different from each other."

"I always heard that opposites attract."

"Yes, but for how long?"

He pulled her tightly against him. "Maybe for a long time."

Monica inhaled his woodsy scent and lifted above him. "You're just saying that because...because..."

"Because?"

"Because of the passion of the moment," she finished in a rush. She had expected him to be displeased with her response, but he smiled crookedly and said, "We'll see." Pulling her head back to his chest he whispered, "Relax, Monica." The rumble of his voice through his chest released her tension and she surprised herself by actually melting against him. "Okay."

He laughed softly and the same rumble lulled her to sleep. When she woke again, she was alone in her bed. It took a second for her to orient herself and then she moaned. Her life had just become infinitely more complicated. Coming to grips with a passion she had never experienced kept her immobilized. It was as if she had soared into a realm beyond her body. Tears welled when she realized Dirk was not the backwards cowboy she had made him out to be to keep her heart secure. He was a man of depth, character, and with a spirit of compassion so deep it made her release a fresh wave of tears. He was a woman's dream man.

And she was a superficial slut.

She placed her hand over her belly and said through sniffles, "Baby, if I lose my heart to him, I'll never get it back."

That evening, Dirk took Tessa and Shauna to the movies with the Tanners and did not press Monica when she still declined to go. After they left, she roamed the empty house, tried to read, and then watched a little television, but nothing kept her attention. Frustrated, she gave up and went to bed. Surprisingly, she fell into a deep sleep, but came instantly awake when there was a soft knock on her door. Her heart soared with joy. Without donning her silk wrap, she rushed to the door and peeked around it. Dirk stood on the other side gazing at her with an intensity that made her tremble. With a shy smile, she didn't think, she didn't analyze; she just opened her door wide and stepped into his arms. Walking her backwards until he could close the door with his foot, he walked her a little farther until the back of her knees hit the bed. In a repeat of what had happened that afternoon, they touched, kissed, whispered, and lowered their defenses for self-preservation.

* * *

A week after the horse whisperer incident and subsequent change in her relationship with Dirk, Monica nervously watched the ultrasound technician, a gray-haired, grandmotherly type move the instrument over her belly. The technician pointed out Monica's tiny baby on the screen and the reality that she carried life inside her womb put a big lump in her throat. She had to bite her bottom lip to keep her emotions in check.

The kindly technician who had introduced herself as Rose, said, "Honey, I know what you're feelin'. I've birthed six boys and felt the same way with every one of 'em." She patted Monica's shoulder. "Look here." She touched the screen. "Your baby's a girl."

A little sob escaped and Monica hiccuped. "I've been thinking about girl's names. Do you like the name Madison? Or maybe Isabella?"

Rose grinned. "Well, you got to think about nicknames. Madison will be called Maddie and Isabella will become Bella."

Monica swiped her eyes with the tissue Rose handed her. "That's a difficult decision. I like them both."

"Well, sweetie, you have a few months to make up your mind." She laughed. "And Doc can add another name to his substantial list of deliveries."

"Oh, I won't be here that long. In fact, I'll probably be gone in a few weeks. I've been applying for jobs in my hometown of New York and just got a favorable response to one of my résumés. They want me to send some more info and then they'll schedule an interview over Skype."

Rose clucked, "Ain't the internet somethin'. Folks can take care of just about anything with it. Well, I wish you the best of luck." Her attention was drawn back to the screen. "Hey, look, your little girl is moving."

With amazement and wonder, Monica watched her baby move tiny legs and arms. She said, "I felt a little flutter. Do you think that's the baby?"

"I sure do. The feeling starts out like that, but by the time the baby's born you've got full on jabs and kicks." At Monica's look of alarm, she hastened to add, "It's nothing that hurts. More than anything, it's funny watchin' your stomach move around. My husband always got the biggest kick out of it."

Monica glanced away and hoped the friendly technician wouldn't ask anything about the baby's father.

The sensitive woman merely said, "Would you like a DVD of the baby?"

Surprised, Monica said, "Oh, yes! I didn't realize I could get one."

"Yep. Thanks to the marvels of technology."

That night, Monica played the DVD over and over in the small player she'd brought from New York. And while she watched the video, she imagined holding her tiny baby.

* * *

Dirk allowed Tessa to spend a lot of time with her best friend's family so he could spend time alone with Monica and get to know her. Slowly and hesitantly at first, she began opening up about her childhood. Gut wrenching compassion seized his emotions as he began to understand this beautiful and complicated woman who had once been overweight and harassed by a mother who always pointed out her imperfections. One night, after hours of intense love making, she finally confided her deepest secret while Dirk caressed her silky hair and held her tightly against him, offering his strength.

"My mother committed suicide when I was thirteen," she sobbed, "and I just knew I was the reason. No matter how hard I tried, I could never make her happy."

He feathered a kiss across her forehead and said softly, "Monica, haven't you figured out that your mother was responsible for her own actions and it wasn't up to you to make her happy?"

"Y-yes. But it still hurts so much. Even my mother's sister didn't want me. She got custody and kept me in boarding school, even during holidays."

"Darlin', what happened is always going to hurt, but you have your whole life ahead of you with your daughter, and you can make it beautiful."

"I-I know. I keep telling myself that."

"Good. And now that you've confided in me you're going to feel so much better."

Monica wrapped her arms around his waist and sniffled, "Thank you."

As the days progressed, Dirk watched Monica's persona change. No longer did she wear designer clothes. She appeared content to dress in casual clothing, usually jeans, a big T-shirt and tennis shoes. Her pregnancy was now obvious.

Every day he looked forward to her quick wit and sometimes sarcastic responses that were part and parcel of her personality. He'd come to adore her over the past three months and was considering his next move. Did he love her enough to become father to a child that wasn't his? And although unlikely, what if the lowlife ex-boyfriend found out and wanted time with the child? There were so many ramifications to what he was considering—asking her to marry him.

As far as Tessa was concerned, Dirk knew she would welcome Monica as her stepmother. The affection between was obvious. They giggled and shopped and watched movies together and had him laughing all the time. Life had taken a turn. No longer was he the lonely man he had been since Bonnie's death, and his sad little girl was happy again. The conviction that he had been given a second chance for a happy and intact family with a woman he loved, finally solidified one morning as he drove the back roads of his land. Yes. He was going to ask Monica to marry him.