Candy Kisses

Chapter 19

Chapter 19: NO!

Monica read her email from a well respected New York interior design company offering her a job. It was the chance of a lifetime, but she didn't feel any enthusiasm. Of course she knew the reason--Dirk and Tessa. She closed the email without responding and placed her head in her hands. After a time, she glanced around the small bedroom that had become her home over the past three months. The mortar oozing from between the logs brought tears to her eyes. She loved that mortar. She loved the dead animal heads hanging on the walls in the living room. She loved the old blue and green quilt on her bed. She even loved the Formica countertops in the kitchen. She loved Dirk. She loved Tessa. She loved Cowpaddyville, Colorado.

Sighing, she glanced at her watch. Tessa would be home from school soon and they were going to try a new mac and cheese recipe discovered in the Central Baptist Church's Divine Collection.

She had just closed her laptop when she felt sudden cramps and then warmth. In horror, she watched blood seep through her jeans. For a second, she couldn't believe what she was seeing, and then she screamed, "No!" and rushed from her room yelling for Dirk.

* * *

Doc Jones walked into the waiting room of Paxtonville's small, sixty-five bed hospital on the outskirts of town. It was after 9 p.m. and Dirk was the only person in the room. While he'd paced, Monica's panic had replayed itself over and over in his mind. When she'd run from her room yelling his name, he hadn't known what was wrong, but then he'd seen the blood. In a heartbeat he'd grabbed his cell phone, called Doc Jones for instructions, and then rushed her to the hospital. During the ride, Monica's white complexion had scared the shit out of him and her tears had broken his heart. Over and over she'd mumbled, "Don't leave me, baby girl. Don't leave me, baby girl."

Doc cleared his throat and said sadly, "I'm sorry, Dirk. We did everything we could to save the baby, but sometimes these things happen. It's no one's fault, but I think you're going to have to reinforce that with Monica. She's blaming herself."

Dirk nodded. "When can I see her?"

"Now, if you're ready. She's groggy, but in need of all the support she can get."

Wearily, Dirk stood and nodded for Doc Jones to lead the way. At a room near the rear of the facility, he paused and indicated that Dirk should enter. "I've got an emergency appendectomy waiting. So I'll talk to you later."

"Okay. Thanks for everything."

Doc patted Dirk's shoulder and then hastened away.

Inhaling and blowing a breath, Dirk slowly pushed the door open. In the dimness of a wall mounted night light he saw Monica and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. She looked so forlorn, tired and lost that he wanted to lift her into his arms and promise that everything would be all right.

At the soft sound of his approach, she shifted her gaze from staring at the ceiling to him, and then back to the ceiling. He pulled a chair from across the room and sat beside her. She continued staring at the ceiling.

Lifting his hand to her forehead, he gently stroked it and she closed her eyes. For a long time he said nothing. When he leaned forward to kiss her cheek, she turned her face away. He whispered in her ear, "Honey, I'm so sorry. Doc said sometimes these things happen." She remained silent with her head turned away. Gently, he said, "Monica, darlin', please let me comfort you."

A tear trickled across her nose and she said quietly, "I wanted a baby so bad I got pregnant on purpose. It wasn't really an accident like I led everyone to believe. I conveniently forgot to take the pill." She turned her face into Dirk's shoulder. "And now I feel so empty."