My Genderfluid Diary

:ll

Miserable
going down
down- with no one
to catch me.

They
don't even know I'm falling.
At the bottom
scratching the walls
my fingernails bleeding
silently screaming
for help
Yet
no one can hear my cries
echoing in the
emptiness
can't hold on anymore.

What's it like? you ask.
Let me tell you.

Hell. I'm living tortured
hearing these evil voices
telling me to self-destruct.
I can't stop.
It feels so good I can't escape it.
I keep hanging on by nothing
lying, manipulating because
that's what I do best.
I can't help myself anymore
I'm too weak to get back
up by myself, I need help.
I'm desperate screaming +
smiling + faking at the same time.

I'm not happy
I've never been happy +
I don't know how to be happy.
I'm stuck, stuck deep in the mud
drowning + I don't know how
to get myself out
because I've buried myself
too deep in a hole
buried alive,
can't breathe,
let the air in,
save me!
Let me live!

Why is this so hard for me to admit?"

cred to the writer