Random peices of writing

Some funny shiznick

OMG! My cereal is DROWNING!

You're to big to be in our club! Literally, you're so fat you won't fit through the door!

Yay! It's winter! Yay! It's so cold! Yay! It's raining! Yay! Now we get to stay inside without our parents nagging us to go out! YAY!

ARGH! The internet has been invaded by COMPUTERS! Wait....

Video games ruined my life. Good thing I had two extra lives :D

You're 90% of the reason I get up each morning. The other 10% you ask? I have to pee :)

One day your prince will come. He just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Hey you...Yeah, you. No, not you. That other guy. You right there! Yes, you. Do you like tacos?

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that mother#&%!$^ across the face. Pass it on...

You're a great friend but if the zombies chase us I'm tripping you.

Bella: "So let's say my bad luck did crash the plane. What are you going to do about it?" Edward: "Why is the plane crashing?" Bella: "The pilots are passed out drunk." Edward: "Easy. I would fly the plane." Bella: "Both engines have exploded and we're falling in a death spiral toward the earth." Edward: "I'd wait until we were close enough to the ground, get a good grip on you, kick out the wall and jump. Then I'd run you back to the scene of the accident, we'd stumble around and act like the two most luckiest survivors in history."

When life gives you lemons, squirt them in the eyes of your enemies!

My boyfriend sang to me last night, let's hope he doesn't do it again!

Girls are NOT complicated. Seriously, how hard is it to say "you're beautiful" and give us chocolate?

Dear People of the World,

I don't mean to sound slutty, but please use me whenever you want.

Yours sincerely, Grammar.

Whoever said anything is possible has obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.

Sometimes it's best not to question your friend and just help them dump the body bag in the river.

Brb, just feeding my unicorns :D