Oh geez did I really just say that? LOL yeah I did!!!

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by DanceSingWrite

by DanceSingWrite

I hate it when the voices in in my head don't get along with my imaginary friends. It gives me a real big headache and pisses me off.

Facepalm!!! Because expressing something that stupid in words just doesn't cut it.

What do you get when you mix a slut, pink hair and a mega bitch? A SLUTTY MEGA BITCH WITH PINK HAIR! Or if you want to shorten the name, just call it Kiara.

(Sings in the tune of Justin Bieber's song Baby) "YOU KNOW I HATE YOU! YOU KNOW I DON'T CARE! JUST PULL THE TRIGGER! I'M NOT SCARED! I DON'T WANT YOUR LOVE! I DON'T WON'T YOUR HEART! IT'LL BE BETTER IF WE'RE APART! WE'RE NOT AN ITEM! BOY QUIT PLAYING! WE'RE NOT FRIENDS! YOU HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING?! SO RUN FOR COVER OR LOOK IN MY EYES! I AIN'T YOUR LOVE AND THIS AIN'T THE FIRST TIME! SO I WAS LIKE SHOOT ME, SHOOT ME, SHOOT ME OH! JUST SHOOT ME, SHOOT ME, SHOOT ME OH!"

A good friend will go to the chemist to buy you a pregnancy test but a best friend will be the one standing at the bathroom door screaming, "NAME IT AFTER ME!"

I always thought you couldn't talk about rednecks unless you are one, and I are one. Many people ask me what it means to be a redneck and I say it is a glorious absence of safistication. Then they just nod and say, "Yes Jacqui that suits you perfectly."

There was a fire near my house the other day. It burnt down the furniture and electronics store. It took the fire department over an hour to control the flames. And while people were running around screaming their heads off, I was sitting in front of it in a lawn chair with a bucket of popcorn.

My dad says that I don't drink enough but then yells at me when I go to the fridge and pull out a bottle of vodka.

I wrote a song on piano. I shall sing the notes for you. Da di da di da, da da da, da di da di da , da da da da, duh nuh nuh NUH! Don't you just love my singing? My friends don't. They say I sound like a cat in a blender. I think they are very mean.

Sometimes I wonder what I'd do if there was an apocolypse. But then I realize that I'd probably do what I always do. NOTHING!

You gotta be able to laugh otherwise you'll just sit there when something funny happens with absolutely nothing coming out of your mouth. Unless its vomit, or spit, or something so disgusting I don't wanna say.