Ugly Troll

I HATE YOU

As I sit in the waiting room, I feel weird. Like, mum may be dead but I can move on. I don't like how open I am to mum maybe being dead. I love her right. Or am I just a terrible human being. I should feel something. This, what I feel. It's just so wrong.

"Excuse me, miss farmer", a doctor calls out.

"Yes", I stand up. She gives me a look I know to well. It's reminds me of my fathers death. I was so young. But it's the only thing I can remember from when I was a child. Just the doctor saying, "I'm sorry ma'am". And mum breaking into tears. That's when the drinking started and I lost the house. I lost my friends. I lost my father. And I lost what my mother used to be.

"We brought her back alive. The surgery was a success", the doctor pauses.

"But", I question the pause. There's always a but. Maybe she's blind or can't move an arm.

"She won't last much longer. We sustained her for a bit but, not for long", the doctor says.

"Oh, okay" , I reply. What else do I say. No words are coming out my mouth. I feel empty. I don't know really what I feel.

"She has about ten minutes, if that", the doctor says. Ten minutes. And then she will be history. Ten minutes and she'll be a thing of the past. Someone I will never seen unless in my dreams. Just like father. But even his face has faded over the years.

"Okay, thanks", I say quietly as it dawns on me that this is really happening. I know now that the reason I felt nothing before was because I was numb. But I feel the pain now. If I feel like this, how does Chloe feel. How will she cope. What if she asks, "where's mum". What will I say. How do I answer. I don't know if I am ready.

I walk to her room and see her. She looks so broken. Empty. Ready for death. I sit next to her. Thinking. What so I say. Nobody has the right words to say. This is her death bed. She won't last ten minutes. And here I am, silent.

"It was a drug overdose, you know", she says in a rusty voice.

"What", I ask her.

"I took to many. I drank to much. And when I got home. I took more drugs and drank more. Because somehow I knew... I knew I was dying. I'm surprised I lasted as long as I did", she says.

"If you knew you were dying, why didn't you call an ambulance", I ask. Why. Why didn't she.

"Because I wanted to die", she says. "I have nothing to live for".

"Sure you do, you have me and Chloe", I try.

"oh shut it for God sakes", she yells. "I hate you and your bitch sister", she says.

"Why" I ask her. Tears in my eyes. "Everything I've done for you, why do you hate me".

"Because you're such a goody two shoes. Get everything your way. Get high grades and a bright future. He cared about you more then he cared about me and that stupid disappointment I named Chloe. He stopped loving me as soon as he found out Chloe was his brothers daughter and not his", she yelled. "I hate you".

Then she starting coughing. I stood up. Wordless to this. I did so much for her. And she hates me. She truly hates me. And Chloe. Her own daughter. And my uncles daughter. I would've stopped loving her too.
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Sorry for the small chapter. Writers block I guess. But I did manage to make this. I hope you're enjoying this. And I know it's been so so so so so long since I've updated this book. I was in japan for 2 weeks and then school holidays and then school. But I'm getting back on track!

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