Antidote //Narry (Boyxboy)

6.

After the interesting couple of days I spent at Liam's flat feeling constantly left out because I didn't share the same memories and stories they all did, I was needed home.

I don't know if needed was the right word because I'm currently sitting on my bed doing nothing.
I guess i could say I wanted to be home more than i needed to be home, I felt like an intruder on something special that they have together and that even though they welcomed me with open arms and warm smiles

well at least three of them treated me that way

I've never really had a group of mates that were a constant in my life and who I could rely on and of course I wanted some...

I mean who doesn't? I'm sure no one wants to feel alone in this big world all of the time but the problem is once they find out I'm fuckin 'mental' they always look at me differently and treat me like a ticking time bomb that will go off at any moment or glass vase that will break if you handle it not gently enough or even worse pity me ....because they don't understand or just don't want to and I can't be having that happen.

Who wants to be around someone when at any moment they can become a tear covered anxious mess for no reason or cause.
Most days I can't talk to the cashier at food joints because i have to rehearse my order over and over again in my head so i dont mess it up when its my turn but i always end up fuckin stutterin' anyways.

and why's that buddy? oh ya because you cant do anything right.

So that concluded in me not going out to get food anymore unless Louis or my mum is there, or someone calls it in for me which is unbelievably pathetic , i should be able to do that tiny task and I can't most days which is infuriating.

and the cherry on top is Louis doesn't even know
Louis... my best mate, a brother, a protector to me when I needed to feel safe and not alone
but he doesn't know.
He doesn't know that have been locked up in a looney bin for a month and a half this summer
instead of being on a trip with my mum visting family.
I can't tell him now though he will be so mad that I've kept it from him in the first place let alone letting the cat out of the bag that even though I'm home now I'm still really struggling day to day.

He knows I have anxiety and panic disorder which a constant uphill battle i have to deal with on top of my crippling depression which is definitely up there too on the 'bullshit Niall has to deal with everyday list'.

So that's why I've turned down hanging out with Louis four times in the past two days I can't lie to his face and the more he asks me about how I'm doing and about my nonexistent trip went the more fucking guilty I feel.
If I turn him down a fifth time he's gonna come kidnap me or lock us in my room and expect a full explanation as to why I'm hiding away in my room again and avoiding him at all costs right now

but that is an explanation that I do not have nor do I want to give currently.

And just my luck as I'm figuring out how I am going to bullshit my way out of being part of Louis's 200 questions game and make it believable for when he finally sees me
my phone rings across the room
it's was faint but I know it rang
I'm not that bloody crazy

I get up as slowly as humanly possible and shuffle to my desk hoping if i go slow enough it will go to voicemail before i get there.

but because I'm me and there's not a lucky bone in my body apparently

I stand at my desk looking down at the stupid picture i picked of Louis for his contact photo. A wave of guilt washes over me leaving my body feeling hot and my palms sweaty as i slowly reach for the phone.

I reluctantly press accept  before my brain can fully register that I'm actually accepting the call of the one and only Louis  Tomlinson coming to play that game of 200 fuckin questions I just mentioned which i am in no way prepared for.

''hello?Ni are u there ya ?'' I hear Louis's thick accent tumble out of the phone without the device being anywhere near flushed to my ear.

I keep my mouth shut,
mostly because I don't know what in the fuck to say

my heart starts racing as I stand there quietly

''Niall how stupid do you think I am..? I know you're there I can hear your breathing.''
Louis says with a pang of  annoyance laced into his words.

I let out a small sigh before i turn around and flop back on to my bed still remaining silent but
clearly notifying him that I am alive and present on the phone.

''Ni I am outside your house so you either get your arse out here or I'm coming in''
Louis says through the phone with a stern voice

I let out another huff not answering because it's gonna end up with Louis storming into my room either way harassing me with a shit ton of questions so i might as well except my fate now so I stay put.

''fine Ni have it your way since you're so fuckin' stubborn.''

I hear the phone hang up and as soon as it does I hear the front door open downstairs and louis politely greet my mum before i hear him stomping up the stairs to my room.

I let out a sigh preparing myself for this onslaught that's about to occur. The door flies open and slams shuts behind him as he steps into my room and stands at the foot of my bed.

I can see the gears turning in his head as he prepares and formulates what he wants to say.

I gulp..... knowing this is gonna be a start of a long emotional conversation

Here we go i guess.

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HEY Y'ALL IM BACK BITCHES

lmao enjoy i know its short but i wanted to at least get something up will be posting again either tomorrow or wednesday love yall