Beneath My Beautiful.

Chapter 17.

I sit back watching the rest laugh around and chat happily. I know I don't deserve any of this, but , it's all I've got.

"Hey there, stranger." Sameera approaches me and takes the empty seat next to mine.

"Hey you." I say back, offering her a smile.

We sat in silence for the next five minutes; internally trying to digest the circumstances in our lives.

"Thank you Sam." I start off. "I've really missed such moments. These past few months have turned out to be the most overwhelming moments of my life but am somehow happy things turned out like this."

She nods and smiles warmly at me. I know she gets me more than anyone else in this room. We've been through hell together and am glad I got her back.

"What's wrong? " I ask curiously. The hesitant look on her face speaks volumes already. I've seen it before and there's no way she can avoid the subject now that I've pointed it out.

She looks away for a moment then sets her eyes back at me. There's a weird feeling tugging at my heart. I don't know if it's there because so much I had left behind is coming back to haunt me or because am expecting everything else in my life to fall apart.

"Benjamin Tendani existed seven years ago. I saw him at Imani's funeral. I didn't want to say anything at first till I was sure of it. You have to tell him Lu."

I shake my head and look over to Benjamin. He's chatting happily with Yvonne. How can he possibly have known all this time?

"He doesn't know anything. He would have mentioned it or shown it somehow. This is probably some mistake ."

She gets her purse and takes out a photo. Then she hands it to me. "I knew you wouldn't believe me so here's proof. You didn't show up for Imani's funeral but her mum insisted that she take a photo of her friends. And there's Benja in the background talking to someone at the far end."

I stare at the photo again. There's a wave of confusion taking over me. " Lu, maybe he's waiting for you to mention it."

"You make it sound so easy yet you did nothing wrong." I whisper at her, my voice trembling with fear.

"Am sick and tired of this guilt game you've had going on. We were all guilty of one thing or another that night."

I look into her eyes and I wish I could erase the pain in them. I get up and grab my coat and purse. "Am the one who killed her. There's no amount of guilt you feel that can ever compare to mine." And with that I leave.

* * *

"Are you okay?" Benja asks as he pulls me closer and cuddles me in his arms.

"No." I whisper to him. "Thanks for the party. I've never thought about celebrating it for so many years."

I swallow away the lump in my throat. " Why not?"

I blink away the tears, exhale and start off. "My friend died on my birthday, seven years ago."

"Am so sorry honey. I didn't know." He says but there's a pained look in his eyes.

"I don't deserve it. Your sorry, I mean. Because it was all my fault." I cry as the memories haunt me one more time.