Treacherous

4. Whoops

It took two weeks for me to convince Matt to try out being my boyfriend. We liked it so we kept it going. Now it's been two months and I still haven't asked him if he can fix me. It's been two months and I've been so guarded with my emotions that I don't know why he's still here. I want to be open, I really do but I can't put him at that risk. I can't do that to him. I can't kill this boy.

We had been laying in my bed for a few hours just staring at each other.

"Josh," he said in the quietest whisper.

"Yeah?"

"I..I don't wanna freak you out or anything but," Matt should know that's exactly how you freak someone out, especially if that person is me. "There's a...there's a fire behind you."

What? I slowly rolled over on my back and saw actual smoke coming out of my nightstand. Shit. I opened the drawer carefully and saw the necklace on fire. Being the genius I am, I reached in and grabbed it. It wasn't hot. It was actually a little cold. Matt looked confused and a little afraid. I wasn't sure what to think. It's never lit on fire before, this wasn't normal.

"What's..." Matt began to say something but couldn't find the words.

"I'm not to sure." Given the current situation there were only a few places he could be going with that, I think that answer does the job. Okay, so what do I do with this necklace? It's burning but it's cold. Then, suddenly, it started to melt. This was bad, this was very, very bad. This was my only chance and it was melting, there was nothing I could do. I watched in confusion as the melted necklace hung in the air. I slowly moved my hand away and saw it take a new shape, it became some sort of ring.

Matt and I had the same expression on our faces, what the fuck? The ring dropped to the bed. I picked it up and inspected it. It looked just like a metal ring, it looked simple. This thing didn't come with a manual, it had never changed before. It was always a necklace. This was way more weird than I asked for. "What was that?" Matt looked over at me.

"That was," I should tell him it was important. Now would be a good time to explain it all to him, it might be a bit much but I'm sure he can handle it. He seems like he could. "that was nothing you need to worry about. It's okay."

"It doesn't feel okay." He knew I was lying. He knew something was wrong, he knew me enough at this point. I could feel every barrier I had up crash down. I could almost already feel myself losing him. I felt myself fall so hard I could break cement. I just lost my own game. I grabbed his face and kisses Matt hard. 'You're crying," he said.

I smiled a little with a sob, "yeah. I'm sorry. I just...I have the best view of anybody in this city right now."

Matt blushed brightly and wiped a tear from my cheek, "so do I." I laughed slightly but it just turned into another sob. Matt pulled me into his shoulder and just held me. I felt safe there. I felt okay. I'll miss that. Thinking about how badly I just fucked up made me cry harder. I've fucked up a solid few times in my life but this one feels the worst. This time it feels like the world is ending, it's going to flood and kill everyone and it'll all be my fault.

It took Matt about an hour or so to calm me down. I was a goddamn mess. I was just a big terrible mess. It was almost four in the morning, Matt should be asleep but he's not. He's stayed up to help me, now I get why I couldn't hold back. He's so good at being good.

Part of me is really glad that I let myself down and that I let myself fall. It feels better than trying to feel nothing. It feels better than hiding. It also feels terrible but I can look past that for now. I've done enough worrying for tonight, I should just let Matt sleep. I couldn't explain to him why I was upset, just that it happens. Sometimes it does. If he found out I was crying over him with him sitting right there, I just don't want to make him feel bad. I wanted him to always feel good, right up until he dies. I want the best for him.

There's no turning back at this point. I can't stop loving him and call it a day. From this point on I'm going try my hardest to do the one thing I've never let myself do. I'm gonna love him right. I'm going to do my best to love him the best. I'll give him stars, I'll give him the moon, I'll do anything. I just want a happy boyfriend and for him, I'll try not to look like I'm panicking over his soon to come death. I wonder f I should tell him about that?

It's always something people wonder about, knowing when they're going to die. I wonder how much it would change him. I want him to stay this way, I want him to stay who he is. I'll try to protect him. It hasn't even been five hours and I know losing him is going to kill me. I've gotta find a way to break this curse now that the necklace has become a ring.

It honestly shouldn't make much of a difference what state the thing is in. Unless I don't need it. I have no idea what kind of sacrifice would make sense but I might as well try to figure something out. There could be a tragic outcome even if I don't do anything but Matt seems like he can get over things better than I can. Regardless, with the way I see things right now, in three months there's only going to be one of us.