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if you type my name into the government computer , you would see 5 defenses against me .
A: DUI - driving under the influence . this was 3 years ago , before my life really faded away . i was riding one of those rental city bikes in Times Square and a cop pulled me over when he saw i was high as a kite . he was partying with me that night , although he could keep his shit together in front of an officer . i however could not . so i giggled my way to central booking for the night until I sobered up and got to go home .
B: DWI - driving while intoxicated . this time it was an actual car . i know it's dangerous and I could've killed someone or myself but it was only down past my old college campus . this was after i got kicked out for the trifecta ; drugs , alcohol , and sexual intercourse all at one time . i got expelled the next day and about a week later i felt really pissed off so i went to my dorm room and drank every hidden bottle of vodka and every hidden joint i had on my side of the room because the school didn't give a shit to clean the room until the day the new meat begins to live in my old room . and after that i got really upset and emotional and went back to my "living quarters" at the moment which was the couch of a one night stand i hooked up with a few times .
C: Disturbance of the Peace . this night was fun . it was the time i threw an impromptu block party with my friends . we were loud . there was illegal drug abuse and under aged drinking (duh) and i was ratted out being the "hostess" of the party i spent the night once again in a cold concrete cell .
D: Public Nudity . i don't exactly remember why i was naked in central park at 4 AM because i was either really stoned or really drunk or both being honest . but i just was sitting under a tree staring at the stars without my top on and when security came over and asked me what the hell i was doing i said "i'm highly intoxicated officer , but i promise i'm not a danger or driving at any point ." then he asked why was half naked and i said "thank you for noticing my dangling breasts officer , why aren't your breasts dangling as well ." the officer was a male . i laughed and he cuffed me and that was pretty much it .
E: Resistance of Arrest . i was at the graveyard walking around and talking to him like i try and do twice a month . i didn't want to leave when it came time to close the gates for the night and i wasn't moving so they called security thinking that would scare me , it didn't . i still would not move from my very spot in front of the small , flat gravestone and the security pulled me up and arrested me for resisting arrest . not my best moment but the civil rights movement didn't happen by rosa parks just getting up for the white man did it ?

now that you know basically what the government knows about me , let me introduce myself .
hello there strange and surely beautiful pair of eyes , i'm Andrea Lizel . a fucked in the head 20 year old with a bad attitude , bad past , and bad hangover all the time . pleased to meet you .