parenthood |z.malik|

3.

Fear.

A small four letter word. I wasn't afraid of much, the exception being heights. Yet here I am sitting on my bathroom counter, my heart pounding so hard I can feel it in my ears and my hands shaking so intensely that I can barely make up the three dots that will tell me wether I am harvesting a little human inside me or not.

I glance down at the timer I had set in my phone. There were four more minutes left. Four.

In four minutes I will know if my life will change forever. Am I ready for a child? I'm barely an adult for crying out loud. I thought back to the look on Zayn's face when I told him we needed to buy pregnancy tests.

Fear.

Three minutes.

Will we be good parents? Will this baby strengthen or weaken our relationship? Will we argue all the time? Will we raise it in a positive environment? Will we become those parents who live in different houses, miles apart and have to drive our kid hours to the others house every other week?

Two minutes.

How will I tell my parents? They expect me to live the traditional life style. School. Marriage. Kids. My mom will have a stroke if I tell her I'm pregnant and my dad will go on a rampage and try to kill Zayn with his bare hands.

One minute.

I dropped the stick. I couldn't look. I didn't want to look. My mind wandered to Zayn. He was probably pacing outside of the bathroom door right now.

"Zayn?" I called out softly. The door parted softly before he poked his head in.

"What does it say?" He asked before raising an eyebrow at the the stick on the floor.

"I don't know yet." I answered hoarsely. Zayn went to open his mouth but the timer on my phone sounded off and interrupted him.

Judgement time.

I bent down to pick up the stick before flipping it over. It felt as if time had slowed down and everything played in slow motion. I know Zayn was looking at the symbol on the stick and I was pretty sure his reaction was similar to mine.

"Are you scared?" I asked looking up from the positive pregnancy test.

"The truth?"

I nodded.

"Hell yeah."

That flipped a switch to the floodgates. I brought my hands up to my face and weeped, dropping the stick back onto the floor.

I felt Zayn come and stand in front of me and wrap his arms around me, rocking me back and forth.

"Don't cry, Baby." He muttered softly into my ear. "We'll be fine. I love you and I will love our baby just as much if not more." He planted a kiss on the side of my face and wiped away my tears with his thumbs.

"Tonnianne, look at me." He leaned down so that we were eye to eye.

"We're going to be alright."

• • • • •

"That was the doctor. I scheduled you an appointment for Wednesday." I felt the bed dip and felt Zayn's body press against my back.

"What're you thinking about?" He spoke softly into my ear and intertwined our fingers. I didn't know how to answer that. I wasn't just thinking about one particular thing. My mind was racing with a million problems and scenarios. I wanted to tell myself that this was a mistake, that me and Zayn did use a condom and that when we finally do have kids 10 years from now, we can look back at this moment and laugh. But 4 positive pregnancy tests can't be wrong.

"Everything." I replied hoarsely. My throat felt dry and scratchy.

He sighed. "I know I said I was scared a little while ago but now... I'm actually kind of excited."

I snapped my head up and looked at him in disbelief.

"Really?" I quizzed.

"Yeah. I mean, I would've liked it to be a little bit further down the line of our relationship but I love you and I can't think of anyone else in this world who I would want to raise a child with." He spoke in such a firm and reassuring way that I couldn't refrain from grabbing his face and crashing his lips against my own.

"I love you, so much." I whispered when we finally broke apart.

"I love you too. I love you both."

Zayn's Pov

Eventually Tony Ann dozed off, all that crying must've tired her out. I sat besides her as she slept and studied her quietly. She truly was beautiful. From the shape of her eyes to her full lips. My eyes fell down to her stomach. My child was in there. Our child.

I reached down and raised her shirt up softly, careful not to wake her.

"Hey, little one, I'm not even sure if you have ears yet but it's your dad. You're mom is sleeping right now, you scared her a bit but that's okay, you scared me at first as well. I want you to grow really big and strong so when you come out of mommy we can annoy her together." Tony Ann squirmed a little bit so I paused until her breathing fell back into its previous pattern.

"I personally want you be a boy so that I can teach you how to be a proper ladies man but your mom here is probably wishing for a girl. Regardlessly I will love you none the less. You're my first born so forgive me if I make any mistakes as you grow up, this is a first for me." I chuckled to myself. "I hope you can trust me with everything. I hope you never feel like you have to hide anything from me. There will be times when I will yell at you and put you on time outs but it's for the best and you will thank me in the long run." I began to draw circles on Tony's stomach.

"I just hope the three of us can be a family together." I whispered to myself.

Growing up was hard for me. My parents divorced when I was 8 and they both remarried to different people when I was 12 and 14. I wanted nothing more but for my parents to get back together and for all of my siblings to live together under one roof, instead of under two different roofs on different sides of city. I spent every birthday wish, 11:11, dandelion wish and Christmas wish on the same thing.

A family.

Now here I am with the opportunity to raise a child with the woman who I've loved since I was 18.

I couldn't possibly wish for anything else.

A/n short chapters I know sorrryy