Nakangiti sa akin si James, may hawak na tatlong pink tulips in his normal gorgeous self. Gray long sleeves at black jeans, simpleng porma pero heto ako, todo kilig at halos mapunit na ang mukha ko sa laki ng ngiti ko. Nagulat ako nang biglang sumayaw ng sabay sabay ang mga ibang estudyante sa labas ng school canteen. It’s our first anniversary at hindi ko inakalang gagawin nya ito para sa akin, College student na ang James ko kaya gulat na gulat ako na nadito sya sa school ko. Oo, high school palang ako… fourth year to be exact, two years ang agwat namin at sobrang saya ko dahil binigay siya sa akin ni Lord… Buti na lang nagpunta ako sa restaurant ni tito Alfredo, kapatid ni daddy, tumakas ako sa party ng mga pinsan ko dahil puro kaartehan lang naman dun… I went here for a drink nang biglang lumapit sa akin si James at doon nag-umpisa lahat… and now he’s here, in front of me and singing my favorite song… naglakad siya palapit sa akin, smiling… and offering his hand and so I gave him mine.
I’m like a statue
Stuck staring right at you…
And then I wake up and turned my alarm off. Tinignan ko ang puting kisame ng kwarto ko and I blink three times to fight the tears back but I lose, tumulo ang mga luha ko sa may tenga ko at dahan dahan kong pinunasan. Damn. Another day without you.
With a deep long breath, I stood up and walk towards his jacket. I hanged it in my wall, parang isang item sa museum na naka-exhibit dito sa kwarto ko… I rest my forehead to it and imagine him hugging me back… I can still smell him, pero kahit anong gawin ko, alam kong wala nang James ang yayakap sa akin ngayon at babatiin ako ng “good morning babe”. It just sucks being left behind… bakit ba hindi na lang niya ako sinama…
Someone knocks on my door, “Mia… Andyan ka pa ba?”, ang land lady ko, si Aling Monnette. Tinignan ko ang kalendaryo, katapusan na pala, sigurado maniningil na to.
I grabbed my wallet and opened the door and paid her. After the accident I decided to live alone, sakto naman na may apartment akong nahanap na malapit sa school ko, college na ako ngayon, taking up Architecture, bilang pagtupad sa promise ko kay James, siya ang engineer tapos ako ang architect.
Alam kong pointless lahat ng ito, dahil wala na siya pero hindi ko kasi alam kung paano mabuhay uli ng walang James. For the past years na siya ang kasama ko, lahat ininvest ko sa relasyon namin, mga pangarap, ang future ko, lahat lahat kaya hindi ko alam kung paano na ako mabubuhay, alam kong OA at masyadong dramatic, pero ito ang totoo, para akong naliligaw, I exist pero hindi ako buhay.
I walked to my bathroom and surrendered to the cascading water from my shower. It’s a mindless work. Shampoo, soap, scrub. Dry myself via towel, dress up and get ready for school. Ito na ang buhay ko, wake up, go to school, pretend you are alive, go home… Wala na akong panahon for dating or mas tama yatang sabihin na ayoko nang makipag-date… Alam kong hinihintay ako ni James kung nasaan man siya.
I got my backpack and went to school, my classes start at 10 am and ends at 3 pm. I went to the library before going home, I need to be the best architect no… I put my headphones on and read my notes… I spend an hour everyday for reading, I can’t risk my grades, I need to graduate, at hindi naman sa pagmamayabang pero I am the top president’s lister of the College of Architecture sa university namin, kaya scholar din ako…
I realized it is almost 5 pm and I felt my stomach crumble, hindi pa pala ako kumakain since this morning. I walked out of the library and get my bag from the depository section; I was fixing my things when a guy tapped my shoulder. I looked at him with disgust, ang ayoko sa lahat ay yung iniistorbo ako, that’s why I always wear headphones it is a flashing sign na nagsasabing don’t talk to me, I guess he can’t read.
He smiled at me and waved his hand. He’s tall, probably taller than James at maayos ang build ng katawan, his black hair is artfully fixed and I can see a diamond stud in his ear. He has this dazzling smile I can’t take my eyes off. Wait, why do I even bother looking at this guy? I take my headphones off.
