Paper Wishes (#1)

Chapter Eight: Obviously Unrequited

Kai didn't speak to me on the way home. I wasn't sure if it was because he was upset because I had been avoiding him or because of Nox. I couldn't shake the feeling that somehow, he was disappointed in me. When we got into the house he put his keys on the counter and went straight up to his room.

After Kai went to his room, I milled about the kitchen aimlessly for awhile until I decided to start cooking dinner. I sighed as I placed all of the ingredients for our dinner - green chili peppers, pork, and chicken broth - into the crock pot and set the timer. Dinner would be done cooking in about four hours, so I had that time to work out how to make things better with Kai.

It wasn't very often that he was upset with me, so I had no real frame of reference as to how to fix things. Obviously I did something that grievously hurt his feelings in the last twenty-four hours. I knew I had to talk to him, but I had to think about what I wanted to say. I grabbed my backpack before running upstairs; as I reached the top I peeked into Kai's room and saw him lying face down on his bed.

"Kai..." I started saying as I put my bag down in his doorway and hesitantly made my way toward him. I sat on the edge of his bed and rubbed his back. "I'm sorry if I worried you... you know I don't endeavor to upset you."

He turned his face toward me, just enough for him to speak clearly but not enough for me to see his face.

"I know," he paused, "I'm just hurt."

"I was embarrassed about the Ann situation, and Nox and I only just started dating... there's nothing to tell," I said gently, taking guesses at what might have hurt his feelings.

He nodded slightly, acknowledging my words. Kai's face was pensive; he looked like he wanted to ask me something but didn't want to hear the answer. "Is he the reason you've been happy lately?"

I stopped rubbing his back while I thought about it. Was Nox the reason I'd been doing better lately? It would be a lie if I said no, because he did make me happy and more than that. He didn't just distract me from the pain in my heart; he had been helping me heal.

"Yes. But don't read too much into this, Kai. I've been really happy with you, too. Re-connecting with you these last few days... I've had time to think about how selfish I was in preventing us from sharing our grief. How selfish I've been for hurting our friendship."

"Don't pin anything on yourself," he said miserably. "Everyone handles grief differently - nothing you did these last few months was selfish. Understand that."

There was an empty silence between us for several minutes before I finally asked, "Do you want to be alone for a while?"

He nodded again and turned to put his face back in his pillow.

"I'll come back when dinner is ready," I said as I picked up my bag and went to my room.

I tossed my bag aside and lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I hated upsetting Kai, and there were so few times in my life that I had. I could count every instance on one hand, and the same went for him upsetting me. That was saying something when you took into consideration the fact that we grew up together... there was just never anything to argue about. I hoped the time it would take dinner to cook would be enough time for him to stew in his feelings, so that we could talk through this.

***

"Dinner is ready," I said as I knocked on Kai's doorframe. When he emerged my heart dropped. Kai appeared sullen, the rim of his eyes were red and his love bands looked swollen.

"Thanks, it smells great," he said as he descended the stairs.

I said nothing and followed him down the stairs.