Meliorism

With Your Eyes

This isn't really a short story. It's just a little something I wrote early in the morning because I was bored. I like this one, though. I hope you will too. - Kaj

I am the Narrator. I'm always sad, and I never really find the right things to make myself happy. There are always contradictions, things that prevent me from achieving my number one goal—that is, to be absolutely, genuinely glad about the life I live. Needless to say, I'm far from achieving that goal, although I'm still really hopeful. I never want to give up. I never have, and I never will.

At times, I try to dig up my liveliest memories and then try to relive them. I like to relive things. I just wish I could record a life-changing moment so I can watch it again and again—so I can change my life constantly. I don't like that dull monotony. I hate feeling it. If there's one thing I completely detest, that's feeling the dull monotony of life.

Sadly, I feel it all the time.

One night I was strolling down the memory lane, trying to find the right one that could help me. Sometimes I stumble upon miserable memories. When I do, I try not to grab hold of them. I let them go. But that night something completely different happened—I stumbled upon something that I thought I'd forgotten. That never happens a lot. Usually the memories I'd forgotten are bad ones, but this one—the one I felt that night—made me feel unsure. So I decided to grab hold of it.

It was one of my earliest memories. I was still an innocent little child—how silent those days were—and I knew absolutely nothing about the physics and the behavior of the world. I noticed how weird my eyelids were. I realized that they were always closing and opening, and that just felt weird for me, mainly because I wanted my eyes to be wide open all the time. I wanted to see the world. I wanted to venture out. I wanted to know.

So I was afraid of those blinks. As that little child, I just plainly hated blinking. I was interested in the world; I was interested in what it had to offer.

But now, looking back, I feel ridiculous about myself. Part of me just wants to go back to that memory, to just feel what it felt not to know of the world and all the horrid things it contains. But then part of me just wants to stay where I am right now, where I'm aware of all those horrid things. Part of me wants to again be innocent; part of me just wants to be conscious of the world.

I, the Narrator, have for one experienced the world. There are nice memories, of course, but there are also the bad ones, the ones that haunt you in your sleep. What you need to know, however, is that you can control these memories. Let the good memories overpower the awful ones. Just don't let the world beat you. You know the world, and you know it's dangerous. Stay on guard.

In conclusion, I guess it's somehow nice to have your eyes open, to get to witness the world. But there are times when it's better just to close your eyes, to stay away from all the awful things.

Open your eyes. Just please know that sometimes they need to be closed.