What Do You Mean?

Chapter Five

It had been a week since the whole Justin and Nathan incident, and honestly, every day seemed worse than the one before. It wasn't even the fact that Nathan slept with his ex girlfriend, even though that hurt like hell.

It was the simple fact of him being able to turn on me like that. He yelled so loudly, and said so many hurtful things that I never knew he would say. And he embarrassed me so much by saying I was bad in bed. We'd only slept together once, and he took my virginity, so I don't understand why he would even consider that as me being a bad sex partner.

And with Justin, I didn't know what to make of it. If he hadn't stepped in to tell Nathan to leave, I don't know what would have happened. My feelings were all messed up. I know the obvious seemed like I should forget about Nathan and be with Justin, but it wasn't that simple. Even though Nathan said the most horrible things to me and cheated on me, I still loved him. Plus, I had no idea what Justin's feelings were towards me.

But you cheated, too.

I also hated myself for cheating on him.

You liked it though.

Ridding myself of my unfiltered thoughts, I decided to go to the small little lunch diner down the block for something to eat. Cooking was definitely not on my list of things I wanted to do.

I threw on a long sleeve Nirvana shirt with a pair of plain black skinny jeans, and headed out into the dreary afternoon.

Wind blew my hair in a few different directions and nipped at my exposed skin, but I didn't care. Cars whizzed by, people walked on the streets with shopping bags and brief cases, and even though I was in one of the most popular cities in the world, I felt so small and useless.

Thankfully, the inside of the diner was warm and cozy, and the seasonal smell of pumpkin and cinnamon hit my nose like a train.

I picked a tiny booth in the back by the window, no longer worrying about strangers seeing me stuff my face with the cheeseburger, fries, and milkshake I planned on ordering.

The waitress was a cute red headed woman, with a defined bone structure and chipped, blue nail polish. She smiled at me with what seemed like sincerity, and asked for my order. After scribbling down what I wanted, she walked away, leaving me with my thoughts, once again.

I took a good look outside, hoping to have some sort of mental breakthrough or an epiphany, but all I could focus on was the shit situation I was in. It was probably wrong to be ignoring Justin after he helped me like that, but I just didn't know what to say. I didn't really have a lot of things to say to anyone lately.

"You know, I heard this place has pretty good pumpkin rolls," a familiar deep voice sounded from my left.

Speak of the devil.

I looked shyly at Justin and smiled weakly.

"Mind if I join you?" He asked with hopefulness filling his chocolatey brown eyes.

"N-no. Go ahead."

I hated how nervous he made me. I hated that he was so charming. It made so many things complicated.

"What'd you order?" Justin tried to make small talk.

"A burger and fries and a strawberry shake."

I couldn't help but wander my eyes everywhere except to his. Making eye contact with him made my stomach go insane. It made no sense though, I barely even knew him.

"I ordered chicken fingers when I walked in, but I'm starting to regret that because a burger sounds good actually," he said with such an innocent, childlike tone. I didn't get how someone that fucking hot could be so cute, too.