"Can't you tell me why you're breaking-up with me Justin?!" I scream with the full force of my tiny body as I follow him into our room. I see him pick up my favorite picture of us and put it in his suitcase. "Justin. Please?!" I say one more time.
"No, I told you I can't!" He says firmly.
"You also told me you loved me..." I mumble under my breathe looking down as my eyes prickle with the pain of my tears.
"Look Asht-" I can feel his pain too. I can hear it in his voice. He sounds dreary. Why is he doing this. If it hurts him to leave why is he leaving me. Before I could listen to what my heart had to say my mind spoke.
"NO!" I scream as you can hear the break in my voice. "You look Justin!" I was in to much pain to hear his lies and let him finish his damn sentence. "YOU LIED TO ME! And I believed you. God I was so stupid to think that this could last. You lied about loving me. You're sick."
"Ash I-" He started to talk but I stop him.
"NO! Don't you dare 'Ash' me. This isn't fair! You promised me you'd stay. You said that you wouldn't lie to me!" I say trying not to cry. "I trusted you Justin! We've been together for almost a year! That's something I can never get back! How are you just walking out?! We've planned a future together! All those words, texts, messages, how were they a lie?! Jesus fucking Christ! How could you do this to me?! I told you that I was tired of getting hurt. You promised Me that you Wouldn't hurt me! I'm so tired of your lies."
"Ash-I-please stop." I could hear the break in his voice.
"How!" I say wanting an answer. I was getting impenitent
"Ash-I-please-"
"Tell me Justin"
"Stop!"
"Why because i'm hurting YOU?!" I say as I look dead into his eyes hoping he'll feel the pain that he gives me. His eyes are teary.
"You're not making this easy." He replies quietly while a single tear streams down his face. At this point i'm fuming with anger. How was I supposed to make this easy on him?!
"So i'm just supposed to make this easy for you?! You think that you're just gonna walk in to my- OUR house and say I'm breaking-up with you. And just say Okay like nothing between us was real!?"
"NOTHING WAS!" He screams with a burning fire in his eyes. I've never seen him like this. All that anger that was building up inside me now changed to hurt and sadness. You can see the pain and sadness and hurt in my eyes. "Ash I-" He says as he starts walking toward me a little. I flinch, stepping back with obvious fear in my eyes. He takes a step back. I can tell I hurt him when I flinched from him.
"Out.." I say as quite as possible as a single tear runs down my face.
"Ash wait I-" He says with sorrow.
"I SAID OUT!" I say with all the strength I had in my body. He sighs looking back at me while I just look in the other direction silently crying.
"Ash... I" He sighs again. "You have to realize we're just not meant to be." He says as he walks out the door shutting it behind him. I didn't realize that I was holding my breath until he had shut the door.
As soon as the door shut I broke down in tears. I ruffle through my things trying to find my my phone and my razor. I find my phone and text Shane telling him to come over now. After that I stick my hand in my sock drawer feeling around until I felt the blade hit my skin. "Gotcha." I say as I press the cold yet soothing pressure of the blade against my skin. I slowly drag it across watching the blood run down my wrist.
"Ash?" I hear Shane call I want to answer him but I feel light headed. He can't know I promised him I would stop I've been five months clean.
"Shane.." I whisper hoping that he'll hear me. Shit my visions going blurry. The world is spinning again. Shit. Ash don't close your eyes. I keep repeating to myself. My eyelids are getting really heavy. No Ash keep them open. Please. You have to fight the urge to sleep Ash. If you sleep you might not wake up.
"Ash?" I hear Shane say louder as he walk closer to my door. I feel the life draining from my body. I'm getting weaker. Not just by my cuts. Shit I forgot to tell Shane. Maybe it's just easier to not live anymore.
THUMP!!
"Ash!" I hear Shane scream and run to my side looking at all of my blood that has now left my body to enter the cruel world. "You're going to be fine... I promise." He says as he put pressure on my wound and he takes out his phone and dials 911. "Hello... Yes... Help my best friend cut to deep..." He says as his breath becomes uneven.
I try to move. But I can't feel anything. Fuck. I'm numb again. "Shane..." I say barely being able to stay awake.
"No. No. No. No. No." He repeats. "Ash you have to stay awake." I can hear his voice breaking.
"B..but S...Shane i'm t..t..tired." I say as quite as a mouse. He obviously heard it because he instantly broke down in tears.
"No Ash. You promised me you'd stay." He says trying to maintain his breathing. "Please..." He says as he holds my hand squeezing it tightly. Ash you have to fight it. Keep you're eyes open. Please. Ash. Please. Do it for Shane. I feel my eyelids getting heavier and heavier. They're slowly closing. Ashton don't stop fighting please.
"I'm sorry Shane..." I say as quite as possible.
"NO! NO! NO! ASHTON PLEASE. STAY AWAKE." I hear him yell repeatedly right before everything went black.
