"Rae it's not healthy," Kelly pleaded, after this one by one my annoying so-called friends began chiming in.
"You can't ever expect to find a man all cooped up in your bed."
"Come on Sleeping Beauty it's time to move on."
"It's only for the best dear."
Picking up the nearest object on the floor I threw it as hard as my depression numbed body could against the door to silence them. Taking my message they all walked away. I didn't want to be bothered. I wanted to sleep.
Sleeping was all that brought you back. I knew well enough that loving you forever couldn't be wrong. No matter the situation. We were meant to be with each other forever.
I didn't even have to beg for memories of you, they just floated in my mind constantly like a dark musical box that never would shut off. I couldn't ever stop seeing you, stop thinking about you. It was always too much when I went out, so I stopped. I stopped getting up all together.
I knew you would always be waiting for me in my dreams so I stopped living. The dreams were all I needed. All I wanted. So all I did was sleep, just so I could be with you.
When others would say I needed fresh air or to see the sunlight, you would whisper softly that I was fine and needed to stay with you longer. How could I ever disobey your wish? After what I did to you, how could I ever leave you again?
Your suicide was harder on me than it was anyone. I was the only one that you left a letter for, I still haven't read that... I don't need to see it in writing. I already know it was all my fault. Staying with you in my dreams was the least I could do.
Every night I wish constantly that I was dead, so I could be with you once again. For real. Forever.
But I know that I can't go yet. I have to wait till the anniversary of your death. I have to go at your same time. I must wait. I will wait. I promise love, we will be together forever as we planned.
The dreams were a toss-up, they were good until I was jerked out of a dream. Then it just hurt every second I was awake. The agony of being without you was enough to kill me off and force me back into my dream world.
Sometimes I worry you wont be waiting for me on the other side. The other side of death. I worry that I might get lost, or you might not want me like you do in my dreams. I worry you won't forgive me. I'm scared that you'll only want me to leave you alone. And that's why you chose to leave me here, all alone.
But darling no one compares to you, no one can love me like you did. I will never love another soul again, for you are all I long for.
When you find true love, it lives on.
"And every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise. No one compares to you. I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side."
