The Forbidden Love

•Better than Home•

Maya POV

I sprinted out the building, weeping and crying. I ran, ran, ran.

Past school, past Riley's house and the bay window, past my own house, and up the stairs of the library. Some say that's where #Rucas began, but that's where I first felt at home with my friends, like we were a family. But it is also where I noticed his smile.

It was also where I went the day I told Cory I liked Lucas. I went after going to Riley's house, and just sat their and sketched. But I couldn't stop sketching him. It's also where I went the day I tried to be Riley and told Lucas I liked him. And where I sat in dumbshock after finding out about him going to my ex-dad's office.

I had a flashback to the meeting we had with my dad and how we convinced him not to press charges to the school. We had saved Cory's job. And our friendship.

The point is, this place had been my source of comfort for the last couple of (very hectic) months. It had been better than home, away from a house full of my mom and Shawn's flirting. I love them, but I also just needed comfort. And they were too in love to notice me.

So I ran away to this little corner of the library.

•

I huddled up in the window. I thought of what had happened again and again,like the feeling I get when my favorite songs spinning in my head keep it play, playing on repeat, except it's filled with sorrow and regret, not happiness and joy. I cried a river, and swore my head off. I knew no one was going to find me, no one would care. They all have some one... Lucas and Riley, Farkle and... well his brain? My mom and Shawn, and even the ideal couple, Cory and Topanga. So who was there for me?
•
I sat there for hours knowing they were looking for me, but knowing they wouldn't think of here. As darkness approached, I felt my phone buzz. I had been crying to myself and sleeping for the last couple hours. The librarian knew me and had let me sleep here on nights my mom would work till morning. She gave me a sad smile as she cleaned up, and I knew she pitied me. I smiled back, my heart not really into it.

I had five minutes till midnight, 5 minutes for someone to find me. I had made my choice. If truly no one could care enough to find me, I would just bring out the hurt I had been feeling. In other words, hello pills, goodbye Maya. I honestly was depressed. I had been all my life. No one really knew. I mean, I don't walk into a room and people just think "She is depressed." I have learned to mask it so I don't hurt any one around me. But, sometimes it gets hard. There is this big, heavy blanket of sorrow and stress around me at all times. But sometimes, not for long, I forget.

But there are other times where I get lost in that darkness. Like after seeing Lucas and Riley today. My god, it seems like ages ago. All I want is for the pain to go. And the darkness, it envelopes me in it as I weep, as my blood boils, as I hurt. And I have made the most rash decision in my life: at 12:00 I will be no longer, lest someone come to save me. I have these pills I got from my mom's old medicine cabinet, the one from before she met Shawn. I will be like Juliet, minus a Romeo. At least, unless Lucas shows up...please let him show up...
4 minutes
3 minutes
I prepare myself for the deed, thanking every good thing in my life.
2 minutes
I take a deep breath.
1 minute
•
Dun dun daaaaa!!! Dark side revealed. Please remember, if you ever have dark thoughts, there is someone there for you. At one point in our lives, all of us have been "depressed." Some more than others. I myself have, but I know there is so much potential out there for me! I don't have depression, but I know a few people who do. So if you ever want to talk, just talk, and we will
listen. Don't ever turn to harming yourself, you will only regret it later on.

All the best and love y'all,
~Leah~