The Worse of Times, The Best of Times

The Definition of Overwhelmed

I'm lying. I'm not too sick to go out or busy with things to do. I just have days where all I want to do is nothing. Nothing at all. I stare at the ceiling for hours on end. Thinking and then not thinking. Contemplating and then just blanking out completely. I lay in my bed not sleeping, but not entirely conscious either. My body physically hurts when I move even though the pain isn't really real. So I just lay there, on my bed, doing absolutely nothing. On those days I don't feel anything. Not sad, not happy, not hungry, not anything. Completely empty. And then I stare towards my bedroom window. Looking through the cracks of my curtains. Seeing a snippet of the outside world. But I just continue to lay here. It's a nice bright day, but I stay inside where there's nothing but the sound of silence and the faint sounds of the outside world. I close my eyes and fade into darkness but I can't sleep so I don't. I just stay like that for hours. Totally motionless. Totally drowning out the world around me. I have days like this. I don't know why or how, but I do. I can't help it. I want to do things especially when I have so much to do, but I can't on days like this. So I just lay here, on my bed, completely motionless, feeling completely empty, awake but not fully awake, staring up at the white crusted paint on my bedroom ceiling as I drown out everything the outside world has to offer me.