Fearless

Chapter 4

We sit at the kitchen table in silence. Mom watches me as I push my potatoes around my plate. I know that look. It's her worried-but-too-afraid-to-say-anything look. "So, he asked you to go to a party and you said no?" I sigh. I've already told her the story. Three times. "Yes, Mom. I said no."
"Why?"
"Why do you care?" I snap. Why does she care? Her eyes grow wide but she doesn't yell. Instead, she shrugs. "I think it's nice. It would be good for you to meet some new friends."
"I'm fine, mom. I have my own friends at home. I don't need new ones" we both know its a lie. I haven't talked to my friends back home in months. I feel a pang in my chest as I think of my friends Emmy and Mykala. I should have at least said goodbye.
Jo comes in the room then glances at both of us. "What's going on?"
"Some guy asked Daisy on a date and she said no"
"Mom." I groan. "It wasn't a date!"
"Who?" Jo asks, smiling. "You haven't even been here a week and there are already guys hitting on you?"
I try not to smile but fail. "No. He wasn't hitting on me. He was just being nice,"
I'm quiet as I mix my corn with my potatoes together. They're better that was, Ash always said. Not that I'll eat them, since I haven't had an appetite in I don't know how long, but I can't break this habit.
My fork clinks against my plate, the only sound in the room. Mom and Jo's silence is getting on my nerves but I don't say anything. I don't want to talk about Zayn anymore and I know that's what they're after.
"So, who was it!" Jo asks.
"Seriously? It's not a big deal."
"Oh come on. Just give me a name." She glances at Mom and grins."there aren't many locals around here. Maybe I know him."
I let out a huge sigh. "Fine. I met a guy by the tide pools this morning. His name is Zayn. Happy now?"
"Zayn Malik?"
I shrug. "I never asked him his last name. But he said he knows you."
"It has to be him." She smiles. "He's a good kid. Lives next door." She studies me for a moment and I shrink under her gaze. "You should go."
"I'm not going"
"Why?"
"Because it would be weird. I don't even know him. I talked to him for like two seconds." Jo snorts. "Well, obviously he wants to get to know you, or he wouldn't have asked you to go."
I roll my eyes. "Whatever." I take a bite of broccoli. I don't like broccoli. How did it even get on my plate? I chew really fast and eat a piece of chicken to cover up the horrible taste in my mouth.
Mom frowns. "Honey, you should go. Go have fun. I'm worried about you. Ever since Ash.." Her voice squeaks as she says his name. She clears her throat and takes a shaky breath. "Ever since we lost Ash, you've built a wall around yourself. Maybe if you make some friends, you could be yourself again."
My hand stops halfway to my mouth and I slowly set my fork down. "Mom, I'm fine."
"You're not. You're not yourself, Daisy. Lying in bed all day? Doing nothing? It's not like you at all."
I push my chair back and stand up, furious at where the conversation is headed. "Who do you want me to be mom? The same as I was before? I can't just forget about everything and get over it like you can."
Her mouth drops open and I see the hurt in her eyes. "I haven't gotten over it," she whispers. "I lost my son, Daisy. And I don't want to lose my daughter too."
"Where do you think I'm going? I'm not suicidal, Mom. I told you. I'm fine. Just leave it alone!"
"I didn't say you were suicidal." She sighs. "I'm just trying to help you. I want you to have friends. I want you to have a normal life again." She reaches out to touch me but I pull away. I don't understand where all of this is coming from. She's not even supposed to care about me. She hasn't for months. And even if she did, she's had a funny way of showing it. "This is why we came here. To start over." I frown. " I don't want to start over and I don't need your help. I don't need anybody." I turn away from her and go to my room, slamming the door behind me.
Why does she have to do that? Make me feel guilty for no reason. I'm fine. I told her so. I don't need friends. The only thing they would do is feel sorry for me anyway. I don't need anyone's pity. And if she's so worried about me, why hasn't she told me before? I needed her weeks ago. I needed her and she wasn't there.
Ash's notebook is sitting on my bed. I walk over to it and pick it up, turning to page two. I told myself I'd only read one each day, but right now I'm throwing my plan out the window. I need my brother. He didn't write in capital letters this time??