Monday, October 4th 1875
Cornwall, England
Dear diary,
I didn't write yesterday because...
Oh God, how could I ever explain this? I'll just write it. Ross died. I...
I could never believe it, if I didn't see it happening myself.
Mother and Father decided that, because it was Sunday, we should go for a walk and for the first time in forever, I was allowed to come with them. Of course I got excited. We got out of the house and decided to go to Chapel Porth. I only went there twice, to help the fishers get their boats in, it was lovely....
Not one of us can swim except for Father and George, so Ross was determined to learn how to swim. Father helped him in the water whilst the rest of us sat down and watched them for a while. About half an hour went by when Father and Ross came out of the water. Father sat next to Mother whilst Ross came in between me and Judith. He started to talk about how good he is in swimming, you know, that thing children do after learning about something new, they try to impress you.
I told him that he isn't that good at swimming, jokingly, and so we went on. After a while I said: "It doesn't matter, because I'm better at running anyway." Ross saw this as a dare and challenged me to go after him and I got up and ran after him. The though, ran into the water, to the deep part and I stopped till my ankles came half into the water. I shouted that he must come back because it was unsafe, but he didn't hear me and he swam further. About 5 seconds later, we couldn't see him anymore. Father and George went after him, but they were too late. When they found him, he wasn't breathing anymore.
I feel guilty and Father and Mother think I am guilty. They think it's all my fault and for the first time, I think they're right. If I didn't challenge Ross, he would be here with us.
To punish me, my parents kicked me out of the house for a couple of weeks, but I think I deserve worse.
I wanted to stop there, but this is kind of essential. I think that it happened today, but that doesn't matter.
Today at the factory, someone died because he got trapped in one of the machines. Isaac saw it happening and when he got him out to check if he was actually dead, he laughed. He actually laughed. Elijah and me thought this was weird, not only the laughing, but also because he sent us home earlier. I don't think if that is even allowed, but that dead body, believe it or not, changed his mood completely. He didn't even wait till everybody got out of the building. He went straight to his house, with the body. That wasn't common between the previous factory owners, so it was very queer.
I'll stop for now, I'm getting a cold, and not only because I'm outside. I feel as if Ross's spirit is going through me over and over again as a way to punish me for what I have done.
Sincerely,
Demelza Watson
