No Rest 'Til Apple Valley: A Weird and Oddly Satisfying Take on My Best Friends

Chapter 2: *Ding-Dong* BITCHES!!!

So the next friend on my list of cohorts is none other than my good buddy Joe. Joe is probably one of my friends I have the most stories with mainly because he's a troublemaker and flat out fucking insane. I met Joe my sophomore year of high school when he had just gotten started as a freshman. I didn't think too much of him except all I knew was that he had a rep within his class. Everyone just knew Joe and he knew everybody. I met him through a friend of mine that went out with Joe for a while. Him and I just started hanging around each other. Eventually, I started hanging out with him more as time goes on and we actually had a class together. Joe and I were hated by the teacher in that class, she probably wanted us kicked the fuck out of that class because we were the worst ones in there. We would always bring food when we weren't supposed to, we talked constantly, and if we ever got separated from talking too much, we would find an excuse to go and talk to each other. We were complete and utter assholes in that class and we couldn't give a rat's ass what happened. Because we both got our work done, we could afford to mess around in there.

One morning I was feeling partial to some good old milk and lately Joe's addiction to copious amounts of milk has gotten me drinking it, so I stopped at our friendly neighborhood 7-11 and bought a half gallon of milk. By the time I had gotten to the period I had with Joe (4th period) that thing was about half gone and I knew it would not survive 4th period. I get in before Joe and I'm already getting looks about the milk and my teacher was not having any of our shit that morning so I knew we had to be careful. Joe walks into class and freaks out about my milk jug in front of my computer and I gave him a look that he knew that I knew he was going to drink it and I couldn't be more right. he chugged half of what was left in about the same time as a heartbeat. Yeah, guy loves milk that much what are you gonna do? Sue him? Anyways, after a while of the class working hard and being so dead quiet you could hear a mouse fart from across the class, we decided it was time for a little Joe and Chance debauchery. I bust out the rest of the milk and I drank a good bit of what's left and then me and Joe start talking to each other and talking shit, enjoying the day. Our teacher like I said is not happy that day. With literally 5 minutes left of class she gets fed up with the milk brothers and kicks us out.

What the hell, man? We got 5 minutes left and its gonna take 5 minutes to get to the office. So we walk out of class and surprisingly make it to the office before the bell and our stay is very short lived, probably didn't even last a minute. After we both go to 5th period we get called up to the office again and had to explain our whole side and they let us go with a warning. One of my favorite days I've ever had in that class was probably a month before school got out and I had just recently bought a good old bottle of Liquid Ass. if you don't know what Liquid Ass is, you are lucky to not know about it until now because I'm about to tell you about it. So, Liquid Ass is a prank spray bottle. Inside is the most horrid, disgusting, putrid smell of liquefied shit put in a spray bottle and mass produced. Do not I repeat DO NOT GET THIS SHIT ON YOUR HANDS. I made that mistake and my hands smelled like I was elbow deep in a camel's ass for a month. But back to the story. I had been watching YouTube videos about this prank for a couple weeks and decided to buy a bottle online. I warned Joe about this and he was dreading it's arrival date because he didn't want anything to do with it. I walked into class the day after I got it in the mail and Joe saw the evil, sadistic, sinister grin on my face when I pulled it out. I popped the protective cap off and walked into a corner when no one was looking and sprayed it at least 5 times. 2 sprays can cover a room but I did not like that class at all so I went all in and ruined it for everyone.

After the initial five sprays before class even started the rest of the kids were already complaining about the smell and the teacher didn't want to hear it so she was telling everyone to chill out. I had sprayed at least like 7 more times in there. the class was starting to catch on and silently hated me and judged me for the rest of the period.