I Woke With That Empty Feeling.

Chapter one.

I woke up with that empty feeling I get once in a while, the feeling that something is missing, and most of the time this was my wife, Millie. I turned over to see the same empty bed beside me. I groaned and then quickly glanced over to the cot at the end of the bed. Alice was fast asleep now. I had heard Millie get up around an hour ago to feed her.

I stumbled into the hallway still half asleep and checked the hallways, but I knew where Millie was. She had either left the house or was in the living room. I walked into the living room and there she was lying on the sofa. I sighed and knelt down beside her and stroked her hair removing it from her face revealing the tear stains down her cheeks. She was also fast asleep in an awkward position where she hasn't intended to fall. I picked her up still tired from just waking up and it being only 3am, and carried her into our room which luckily was only down the hall in our flat.

I carefully put her back to bed and sat on the edge stroking her face.

'Why do you always do this to me' I whispered 'You need help, I've tried to help you, everyone has tried to help you... I want you to be happy Millie' Tears welled up in my eyes and lay down hugging her from the back, she fidgeted and mumbled a little like she always does in her sleep, and then settled to her deep breathing again. 'I thought you were over all this now, me and Alice love you more than anything' A tear ran down my cheek 'I care for you so much and I would do anything for you to be happy again'

I heard a small sniffle come from her and I looked over to see a tear run down her face and onto the pillow. She noticed me looking over her and stuffed her head into the pillow. I wiped the tears off my face and checked Alice was still asleep. I hugged her tighter and let her cry for a while until I pulled her towards me so that she was looking at me. I wiped her face with the duvet.

'Did you hear what I said' I questioned

'How did I get here?'

'Pardon?'

'I don't remember getting to bed'

I chuckled at her, her mind always diverts to other irrelevant things.

'You fell asleep on the sofa and I carried you, will you answer my question now?' I raised my eyebrow at her.

'Yes I did hear you' she whispered 'I want to be happy too'

We sat in silence for a while until she wrapped her arms around me and cried a little more, and I being the man I am, had a few more tears too. We sat in each other's arms until the baby woke up again crying, this made us chuckle, the whole family crying, what a bunch we were. She got up and calmed her down before retreating back to bed again.

'Let's talk about this tomorrow' she said before falling to her pillow.

***

I woke up again without the empty feeling, I was hugging the girl of my dreams, the one that has been the one ever since the day I asked her to be my girlfriend. She got out of bed and took Alice into the living room. I got showered and changed for work as usual. She had made my breakfast for me when I walked into the kitchen. We ate breakfast in almost silence, not because I was angry, but I was tired, and not in the mood to talk. She constantly asked me if I was angry at her. I wasn't I just didn't get much sleep. I had a can of coke, healthy I know. But I needed to wake up so that I could talk to her. So after a while of sitting on the sofa watching her play with Alice I asked her,

'Why don't you go for a walk today or something, to get out of the house.'

'Why what's wrong with being in the house?'

'Nothing, I just thought it would be nice for you, take Alice to the park or the beach, it's a lovely day, It's peaceful today, take a camera with you'

Millie loves taking pictures, she wanted to be a photographer, she was before we had Alice. She went to weddings and took the photographs, she loved it. I guess me and her both had to give up something for the baby. But I love Alice, I wouldn't change having her, and I want more kids when Millie gets better.

'Yeah maybe' I could see her contemplating it in her head. This was good.

I got up and put grabbed my lunch and looked at her, she had her head down and was tracing the pattern on the sofa with her fingers.

'We can talk later baby' I walked over to her and lifted her chin up and smiled at her, she gave a weak smile back.,

'I'll miss you' she whispered

'I'll miss you more, If there are any problems or you need me, just call me ok, I'll come straight home' I reassured her.

'I love you'

'I love you too' She got up and gave me a hug, before I had to leave.

I turned back before I shut the door and saw her sigh and get up to do the washing.

She finds it difficult to cope with things like that, even if it's just doing the washing up or making the beds. She tries to make out she doesn't mind. But you can see by her expression she is using every muscle in her body to do whatever she is doing. I try my best to help her. I've even given up my favourite job so that I can have more time off to help her. I wanted to be in a band, I was in one for a while, up until just over a year ago We were called Killing Time, I played the guitar. It was my lifelong dream as I was growing up. But it took up too much time, and when we heard about the baby. I knew I had to quit. At the time, even though I was having a baby with Millie, I was gutted I had to leave my band, they were gutted too. They told me I could join once things were getting better.

Millie was excited about the baby. She was happy for months. But as the bump grew and she was nearing the time to have Alice. She got really anxious and scared about having it. She had to have a few more counselling sessions where she would break down because she was scared she wouldn't be a good mother.

But I changed my mind about going back to the band. I planned to, I really did, they got a new guitarist but they always invited me out for a drink and they would tell me there was always room for one more. And the more I considered it. The more I realised how much Millie needs me. They have gone on tour now and I have a job at school now, not teaching obviously. I work in the ICT department and fix broken computers or laptops around the school. It was easy to get as I had A's in ICT because I thought I would need the skills for the band to mix or edit songs. So at least I did that well. It's quite interesting, but I will get bored of it soon.

Plus, If I do say so myself, I'm a 25 year old man working at a secondary school, I'm the youngest adult there, and I'm not the worst looking man in the school. The girls follow me... everywhere. They turn and look at me when I walk in the room, and then all of the boys roll their eyes at them. I fix a computer for them and I feel all eyes on me. It's quite unnerving. And they flirt like crazy when they get a chance. If I don't finish this soon, I could get fired if a girl tries anything with me. And that would not be a good start to have to any career I choose to do.

But I want to be a writer now. Being with Millie, being in a band and having a baby, has given me a lot of ideas, I have good and bad memories, and although I'm still young, and have a lot to learn. I have had a lot to influence me. So in my spare time at work when I'm not fixing things or trying to fight off teenage girls, I write. And one day when I finally publish a book, I will hopefully have the money to stop going to work, and I can write for a long time. I want to inspire and entertain people all over the world. How good would that feeling be? Millie and I could help each other too, she could give me ideas and she could read my book to take her mind off things. And then, if I got bored of that, and Millie doesn't need tending too anymore I could join a band again. It would be perfect. I could even ask her to marry me! And even if I don't get these jobs, I won't mind, as long as Millie gets better.

***

I have no idea what genre this comes under other than romance, so it is 'other' at the moment, anyone have any ideas?