Rule #3- Sex Is Not Love
If you haven't noticed by now, this is a seamless web of rules. They all tie into one another somehow. I hope you can understand how important these lessons really are. I truly hope I can help someone, somewhere.
Let us begin.
Sex is not love.
Not at all.
Not even the least bit.
Sex is an action. Love is an emotion. Just because someone is acting with you, doesn't mean they are feeling with you too.
Do not blur the lines.
Someone can fuck you every single day and still not give a damn about you.
Don't get confused.
Confusion will lead to pain.
Pain that leaves scars.
Scars that will never go away.
If someone only wants to have sex with you they do not love you nor do they care about you, you are nothing but child's toy to them. Something they pick up, play with, and toss away when they're done.
Love is not sex. It sounds cliché, but if someone really loves you, sex will be the last thing on their mind. Just being in your presence will be enough to satisfy them. You do not have to prove your love with sex, if deep conversation cannot suffice, then it's not real.
Do not get caught up mind games.
Believing that someone loves you, when really all they want is your body hurts.
This is probably one of the most painful things I have ever been through.
Honestly, I've been in tears since I began writing the first sentence. As sensitive as this is for me, I will bless you with yet another story.
The boy, we will call him "Ugly Bastard".
You see Ugly Bastard was completely different than what I was used to. I have always been attracted to boys similar to Rotten Apple, but Ugly Bastard was the exact opposite. Where Rotten Apple was rude and caustic, Ugly Bastard was kind and gentle.
He was everything I never knew I wanted. He took me on walks, walked me home everyday, gave me his jacket when it was cold outside and just listened to me.
Every night I snuck out to see him, just to talk. I felt like I could tell him anything. Sometimes he'd just listen as I told him things I wouldn't dare tell anyone else. He understood everything about me, he didn't judge, instead he motivated me to do better.
There were times he'd just stare at me and compliment each of my features, even the ones I don't find worthy of compliment. And every time I would brush them off, he made it a point to remind of me how beautiful I actually was.
This was new to me.
I had never had anything like this.
He did things only my father had ever done for me.
And I liked it.
He made me feel different, important I guess. I felt like he genuinely wanted to get to know me. He remembered little things like my favorite song and color. He took the time out to learn the things that no other guy had ever cared about.
No one had ever been so interested in my thoughts or likes.
This went on for months. I wouldn't go as far as to say I loved Ugly Bastard, but I was close.
Everything was good for a while, but it didn't stay that way.
Things started to change.
Our once deep and meaningful conversations turned more carnal and sexual in nature. At first I didn't mind the occasional innuendo or reference, but soon they became more frequent and intense.
Eventually he told me he wanted to have sex. I wasn't a virgin. This was between Rotten Apple
We'd taken a "break" since he was busy taking someone else serious
I wasn't ready to do it with someone else yet. I was scared
It obviously didn't turn out so well the first time
I explained that to him and he had understood. But not long after he brought it up again and again. He told me that he wasn't like everyone else, that if I really liked him then there shouldn't be a problem.
This last time he wasn't swaying. He said his parents would be going out of town that Friday and that I needed to come over. I thought about it for a while. But I didn't want to. I enjoyed the way things were and I didn't want to complicate them with sex. So I didn't show up.
I texted him the next day, explaining my reason for not coming.
No text back.
So I called.
No answer.
I waited a few hours and called again. No answer.
So I gave up.
A few days later I ran into a mutual friend of ours. He told me that Ugly Bastard said he never liked me and only wanted to fuck. That he was only so nice because he figured I'd let him fuck sooner. That I had no purpose since I wasn't willing.
I didn't have to ask to know that those words were true. The way he blatantly ignored me told it all. He acted as if I didn't exist. Even in public. And that's what hurt the worst.
And so I tell you, love is not sex and sex is not love. Sex doesn't not prove your love and love isn't proven by sex. If they're pressuring you to have sex, run, they don't give a fuck about you.
Love is affection and intimacy, it is not physical. Sex is physical, and can not be used to make someone love you. Unless there are feelings already established, sex will not bring them about.
Do not be confused.
So no matter how many times you throw it back, unless they already care about you, it's never gonna happen.
You see Rotten Apple still won't wife my ass.
